TOEFL - There are many parents that invest more and more money to prosper their children

Please correct my independent TOEFL essay.
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With the flourishing modern educational system, an issue of concern turning into an obsession for a great many parents is whether they should involve in their children's education or not. I strongly believe that nowadays parents more involved in their children's education. My view is based on university tuition and assignments.

First of all, in an economical point of view, parents should pay a lot of money to submit their children in the universities or colleges. Needless to say they aware about the crucial impacts of higher education on the prosperity of their children in the future. Therefore, the parents investigate not only about majors of study, but also about the high prestigious universities. They try to encourage their children to participate in the prosperous majors such as law and politics. Also, they pay much money to improve their grades for applying in the high prestigious universities when the children were senior high school student. The parents have seen many successful technological CEO have graduated from famous universities such as Stanford and Harvard. Thus, they hope their children can participate such universities.

Last but not least, these days, we have witnessed the teachers give many advanced and technological assignments to the students. Some students don't have enough time or knowledge to do the exercises, so they nag to the parents to help them. For instance, my cousin always asks her parents to do computer programming assignments. My uncle searches about the problems on the internet and sometimes ask me to help my her. Although this activity is not appropriate, many students do the same activity. In addition, the parents involve solving the problem and doing the homework.

To put everything in a nutshell, in the development of human modern society, the parents get involved their children's education and profession. There are many parents that invest more and more money to prosper their children. Moreover, the parents have been imposed by some children to do their homework.

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You presented a good but somewhat unclear discussion about the topic so I tried to clean it up for you and show you how it could be properly discussed in another way. I did my best to retain the essence of your original essay. I hope the editing that I did serves as a guide for your future essays or the improvement of this one :-)

- ]It is my opinion that the modern educational system has become so complex that parents feel the need to involve themselves, to the point of obsession, with their child's education.

-Your original statement makes a claim that is hard to prove since it is based on tuition fees and assignments. Reworded, you have more room to present evident to support your personal opinion.

From an economic standpoint, parents pay more money than usual for their child's early education in order to ensure their acceptance into Ivy League universities. Thinking more of the education of their child as an investment rather than mode of development for the child, they push their children to pursue courses that the child may or may not be interested in as payback for money spent on their early education. They believe that by micromanaging their children's education, they will ensure a bright and stable financial future for them.

- These days, even the homework given to students tend to be beyond the capabilities of a normal student, leaning more towards a professional level. This leads the parents to do the homework for the child. Should the child not get a very good grade on the assignment, the parent then feels insulted and slighted on a personal level for themselves. So even though parents are totally involved in the academic life of the child, it seems to be more to prove that they can accomplish things for their children instead of them wanting to see children accomplish things for themselves.


- It is for those reasons that I firmly believe that parents are involved to the point of obsession in their children's academic lives. They will see their children succeed even if they have to do the work for them.