IELTS:should both parents go to work or not?

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. What is your opinion?

In the past, the man was responsible for taking care of his family's financial situation. In other words, the man went out to work, while his wife stayed home and looked after her children and did the household duties. However, many things have changes since then, because more and more parents decide to leave their children home alone in order to work. I believe that the desire to earn more money has more drawbacks than benefits.76

First of all, children need to be supervised all the time. At that age, a child does not have the ability to distinguish whether a thing is 'good' or 'bad'- if he saw a dog, he would go and hug it, not thinking that it may harm him. Many tragic home-alone kids' accidents appear on the TV news, some of them ending with the little creature's death. For example, in 2009 a girl aged five was waiting for her parents to get back home from work when she saw a box of matches. She took the box and started playing with it, but she accidentally lit a fire. The whole house burnt completely, but it remains a mystery how the girl managed to escape.133

Another argument in favor of not leaving children home alone is the love they need. Even if they benefit from additional income, at that age they do not know what money is, they need love and care, more than a Nintendo or computer games. The first five years are extremely important for one's life, as he develops his social behaviour. If he does not interact with other human beings, he learns that silence is better than communication and being alone is more important than socializing. Because of the fact that both parents go to work, children start spending their time playing video games and they continue doing that even after their parents' return.112

To conclude, children cannot buy parents' absence with the extra money that is earned. I believe that parents should think first about their kids and how they could spend more time with them, not about money. 36

i am not aware of IELTS scoring rubrik but guessing it will be similar to other standardized test's scoring patter, particularly GRE. 4 though u r examples are extremely valid and to a certain sophisticated but not complex enough to warrant a 6. grammatical errors are few and thought process is amazing!

hmmm so do you think i will pass it? i didn't really understand what you meant by that '4' and '6'.
on a scale from 1 to 9, what would my grade be? :D

hey,


first of all IELTS writing section is nothing like the GRE
going back to the essay:


you should write the Father or adult male members instead of the man seems better


don't use phrases such as this in IELTS just go straight ahead to your beginning sentence


at what age????
you should write at a young age or something similar


It's good to use alternative words so as to prevent overuse of words in this case child but little creature is simply unsuitable


this bit is not necessary and kinda gives an impression that is neither here no there
Overall I would give this essay 5 out of 9 but given your style i think that you have the potential of obtaining even 7
hope it helps

Hai Emma...

Nice to read an opposite view of the essay once i posted here...

I fell the example is a longer one. And you can avoid the last sentance. The whole house... (my personal view)

I confused with your 1st sentance of conclusion.

I feel you mean: with the money which their parents earned by leaving their children alone, is not enough to buy the time that children lost to spend with parents...?

Then...
Is it the parents' presence...?

Tessy

In the past, the man was solely responsible for taking care of his family's finances.


This sounds as a decision taken by men and women for no reason. It's better you give the background for this decision;
However, due to increased competitiveness in the society, both men and women today are compelled to work in order to provide their families with a quality living.