IELTS PART 1:...how selected age groups bought concert, cinema and theatre tickets online

I've just stared practicing IELTS Writing Task so I hope that everyone can take a look at my writing and give me as many as feedback as possible. Thank you very much!!!

The charts below show how selected age groups bought concert, cinema and theatre tickets online over the first three months of 2013 in three countries and how the Internet was accessed. Summarize the information ...

different ways of buying tickets

The charts presented how two different ranges of age used the internet and which type of devices were mostly used in order to buy concert, cinema and theatre tickets in the first quarter of 2013 in Australia, UK and Malaysia.

It was clear that in UK and Australia there were more young people (age of 25-44) bought tickets on the internet than the older group (age of 65 and above), approximately 55%. In contrast, both groups in Malaysia had about 45% of tickets were bought online and the older group was slightly higher than the young one.

In term of internet accessing devices, desktop computer was the most popular, with over 60%. Following by laptop with nearly 45% in Australia and Malaysia and about 30% in UK. And lastly, mobile phone was the least common devices with only 30% in Malaysia and lower in Australia and UK.

In conclusion, most of young people buy tickets online and desktop computer was the device that was used most.

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Ly, the first thing you have to remember is that there is a big difference in writing the Task 2 and Task 1 essays. Task 2 essays require a conclusion at the end because you are being asked to deliver an opinion regarding a discussion topic. Task 1 essays do not require a conclusion because you are not discussing an opinion. Rather, Task 1 essays require a trending statement as the images supplied require you to explain the end result of the measured study of the image presented. Next time you write a Task 1 essay, remember, use a trending statement, not a conclusion.

Your overview information is incomplete and thus, inaccurate. You neglected to mention the following:
1. Type of illustration - Bar graph not chart
2. 2 sets of age ranges - 25-44 and 65+
3. Countries for comparison
4. Measurements conducted - Age of people who buy concert, cinema, theater tickets online and most common means of ticket access
5. Trending statement

You are inconsistent in your information presentation. For every age group, a specific measurement was made but you did not compare these data. In fact, you even placed the age groups in a parenthesis when it should be part of the complete presentation. A parenthesis means information is optional, which in this case, isn't. Actual measurements were used in the graphs and yet you rarely referred to these information in your writing. When presented with measurements, mention them. That is the best way to accurately summarize your discussion.