IELTS PART 2- Being a well-known personality - benefits or disadvantages?

the rewards compensate what celebrities have to give up

Being a well-known personality has both positive and negative aspects. However, in my opinion, the benefits of being a celebrity outweigh the negatives.
On the one hand, there are several problems with being famous. Firstly, celebrities are lack of personal space. They always catch the attention of the public so a photograph of a top film star, musician, singer, etc can be very lucrative. Because of this, the paparazzi seemingly accompany them everywhere and celebrities have to be usually hauled into spotlight of cameras. In addition, that famous people are being mobbed or pestered by frenetic fans is not an extraordinary circumstance. In order to satisfy the media as well as their fans, the well-known people have to sacrifice their personal life. As a result, this inevitably takes its toll on their relationships. Secondly, celebrities also suffer from stress because of the high-pressure environment and tight schedules. In fact, there are a lot of famous people who commit succide because of stress.

Nevertheless, the benefits of this fame are also very clear to see. The celebrities are always shown enjoying a luxurious and enviable lifestyle. They live in huge mansions, drive expensive cars, and wear the latest in high fashion, to name but a few. Moreover, fame also elevates people's social standing. Celebrities's fans regard them as role models and follow their actions religiously. Thanks to their reputation, famous people can earn a lot of money by becoming brand ambassadors and endorsing products. Last but not least, with their potential finance, well-known people can solve their trouble with privacy invasion easier. They can travel by private jet, holiday on remote islands, and build enormous houses that give them back the privacy they have lost. Clearly, not only do celebrities have few worries when it comes to money, but their wealth also means that they can effectively mitigate the problems associated with their status.

In conclusion, while being famous does bring some problems, in my view, the rewards are more than adequate compensation for what celebrities have to give up.

The essay is for a Task 2 test. However, it does not follow the format of a task 2 essay. You have written too many words for this test. The requirement is anywhere from 275-290 words only. You may run out of time to edit the essay when writing 339 words. You need to make sure that you have time to check if you followed the format for the response and, if you were able to avoid making any marked errors within the presentation.

This essay should have a 4 paragraph format composed of 3-5 sentences each. It should be shown as follows:

Par. 1: Prompt paraphrase + question response
Par. 2: Reason 1 discussion
Par. 3: Reason 2 discussion
Par. 4: Concluding paraphrase

This means, your essay is missing the first paragraph requirement. There is no clear paraphrase and reasoning topics presentation. You launched into an immediate discussion, which is a no-no in this essay. Follow the required format or risk getting a heavy TA score deduction. The discussion should contain only 2 paragraphs in support of your opinion. This is not a comparative discussion. Make your opinion clear by offering support solely for your opinion. There is no sense in using a comparative discussion because that will affect your TA score as your opinion will become unclear to the examiner.

because your 2nd paragraph only has 2 reasons, instead of using firstly, secondly, I suggest using For example, Furthermore.
In 3rd paragraph, as I understood, you indicated that fame gives people money. You should include one sentence to show this idea as topic sentence