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Writing Task II _ Pediatric care centers offer best service for children

Hujjatul19 45 / 70 3  
Oct 22, 2016   #1
Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better cares for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Childcare centers are considered by some parents for their children to be entrusted while they are in busy hours. Some people agree about it while others believe that grandparents' role is much better. Although relatives inevitably educate these children well, I firmly believe that pre-school age children will obtain sociability skill in childcare centers and be educated by perfect services since professional and experienced people are involved.

It is commonly found that there are many working parents out there who bring up their children by relatives' complicity believe that it is not a bad idea as relatives surely will be well-being through the nurture and it relieves parents. It is because parents have experienced it, consequently children growth would be as like them as possible. Besides, using other family members' service does not require high cost which can be used for children's next education needs. Lee Kwang Soo, an educator who teach in 4 renowned schools in Seoul, South Korea, states that children who are being nurtured by their grandparents behave well in school.

Nevertheless, fact proves that it is not a small number of toddlers who spend their days in a playgroup in order to gain sophisticated education system. The reason for this is that there is no doubt that pediatric care centers offers professionals who are accomplished in nursing toddler. Besides, its contemporary method can lead pre-school age children to be well-prepared people facing the world because children naturally learn cognitive skills such as how to adapt with others and how to solve problem with peers. A researcher from University of South Korea studies toward triplets children where Song Dae Han and Song Min Guk are being nursed by their aunt while Song Man Se joins a pediatric care center. The study finds that the latter child is more energetic than the other two who tend to be calmer which means that who is in pediatric care center socialize better and faster compared to them who are nursed by relative .

Moreover, I also assert that there are many childcare centers today who offer both conventional and modern method to nurse children. It is because people still believe that the way our ancestor raise children have many merits indeed. Thus, it can make children be better then.

Overall, it is a good idea to have relatives' role in nursing children since their parents have busy days, but it would be great for children to be explored their skills while they are being nurtured as what is offered by pediatric care centers.

Bekuk22 15 / 21 3  
Oct 22, 2016   #2
hello there,,
here are some correction for me.

1. Some people agree about it(agree with it) while others believe that grandparents
2. pediatric care centers offers(offer) professionals
3. ... who are accomplished in nursing(a or the nursing) toddler.
4. ... who are nursed by relative(the or a relative) .

may some corrections can help your writing...
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Oct 22, 2016   #3
Hi Husnul, I believe with over 6 essays that I have reviewed, this is one of those essays that does not necessarily need to be modified with a major enhancement. I believe this is a well managed essay, you were able to draw a clear picture of the idea that you are trying to convey to your readers and this is very good when you're writing.

Should there be anything that I would recommend to be changed, it will be the appearance of the essay, I believe the 4th and 5th paragraph can be merged and it should present a more presentable final paragraph.

Overall, you can continue doing this kind of essay and believe me, there are still a lot to learn but you are in the right track in developing your writing skills and you can also learn a few writing techniques along the way. Keep writing.

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