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People act differently when they wear different clothes. Do you agree or not?

Glearning 2 / 3  
Sep 30, 2019   #1
Please review my essay for TOEFL

Different clothes influence the way people behave

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People behave differently when they wear different clothes. Do you agree that different clothes influence the way people behave? Use specific examples to support your answer.

Clothes plays an important role for human life. Without clothes we can not imagine our life actually. To look good we try different clothes in our life. Some people think that they behave differently because of their clothes they wear. In my point of view, I disagree with the statement that People act differently when they wear different clothes. The bases of my views are their personal choice and thinking.

Firstly, they feel good when they wear something they like. People act nicely if they are wearing different clothes. They think they look good to wear something different. For instance, I wore one time short skirt with long jacket. Usually short skirt should go with small shirt. I remember when I wore this to my school I feel special because I thought I am trying new fashion and it's suits me well. She didn't behave differently but she felt good.

Secondly, People wear different clothes are more sensitive towards their clothes they wear because they don't want to make it messy. They act like they care their clothes as they tried something new. For example, my friend was wearing a precious gown in my birthday party. She was caring her dress a lot. We played lots of games that day and we all supposed to sit on the ground she refused to play that game very politely. When I asked her a reason than she told me that she doesn't want wrinkles on her precious new dress. For me she didn't act differently at all but she was extra sensitive towards her clothes. So according to me clothes doesn't influence us to behave differently.

To summarize, I disagree with that clothes influence People to behave differently because it only can change our feeling and thinking. People may feel good and give extra care to their clothes but they won't change in their behavior. So clothes don't impact on any one's behavior.

Maria - / 1,100 389  
Sep 30, 2019   #2
Hey, welcome back. I'm here to provide you with feedback on your essay. I hope this somehow helps you in your writing endeavors. If it does, don't hesitate to approach us for more input.

Firstly, I appreciate the balanced approach of your writing. Looking into how you organized and categorized details, I can tell that you had already envisioned prior to writing how the output was going to turn out. This definitely becomes reflected in the final output.

My prime recommendation would be to avoid run-on sentences. From the second paragraph, I have noticed the lack of pauses and punctuation that can drive people away from your essay. What I would recommend is trying to tailor-fit everything into a more structured pattern to create a distinguishable essay.

Furthermore, the concluding paragraph can also be bettered if only you focused more on the derived sentiment from all of the details rather than just exposing a personal opinion or take on the writing. Bear this in mind at all times.
OP Glearning 2 / 3  
Sep 30, 2019   #3
Thanks for your feedback, still don't understand what to write on Conclusion. Can you please show me how to write conclusion. That will be very helpful. Thanks.
julius234 1 / 2  
Oct 2, 2019   #4
'people act differently when ...' should be replaced by ' people show strange behaviour because of the different clothes they wear

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