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(Russian National Exam) Agree or disagree? The clothes people wear influence their behavior

alinavaky 1 / 3 1  
Mar 19, 2017   #1

clothes don`t affect human

Nowadays, people usually face a problem in choosing what to wear. There are people who are sure that clothes have an impact on how people behave. There are also those who are convinced that it doesn`t control anything and persons behave like they want. As far as I am concerned, clothes don`t affect human.

Firstly, because behavior depends on your character, not on clothes you wear. For example, if person is shy, then he/she doesn`t attract a lot of attention from others, because he/she wants so. Moreover, if someone wants to cry, he does it. It is no matter for him what clothes he`s wearing at the moment. Secondly, people`s behavior is usually the result of parents` upbringing. To illustrate, it is generally agreed, that person behaves according to the manners which his mother and father inculcated him.

However, another opinion is that human beings conduct the way the clothes they`re wearing influence on them. As for proof, the color and the style of a thing you wear sometimes make you look and behave in different ways. As an example, if woman wear something red, she is more self-confident and finds herself very hot and sexy.

Nevertheless, I strongly disagree with the second statement, because, in my opinion, people always select clothes pursuant to their mood, personal preferences and they affect on clothes more, than clothes on them.

To sum up, I should say that it never makes sense if people behave according to their clothes. They always do what they want to do instead of all the things they have.

cheniki 1 / 1  
Mar 19, 2017   #2
alinavaky , you have to write the question in order to have an idea,
however, as far as i read your essay, what i see is that you defended both of the sides, i think you should stick on side. this is clearer and not confusing.

secondly, ''Nevertheless, I strongly disagree with the second statement, because, in my opinion, ... here you stated ur opinion again , but have done it at the beginning
OP alinavaky 1 / 3 1  
Mar 19, 2017   #3
@cheniki thank u for sharing your personal point of view. Got it. Will check ur essay.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,039 2725  
Mar 19, 2017   #4
Alina, the next time you post an essay for review, kindly include the original prompt so that I can compare your essay against the expected discussion. It is hard to judge your prompt adherence without it. That said, I will proceed to offer you a general review of your essay.

It would be in your best interest to not include a personal opinion in the opening statement of the essay. That is because when you present your opinion (as required by the essay), it must be placed either before or after the supporting public opinion you presented. That way, you can fully develop your response in the 3-5 sentence manner that is normally required of an essay. It also removes the possibility of redundancy as you did in this essay when you presented your opinion twice in separate paragraphs. Both of which were not amply developed to support the discussion.

When you address a generalized gender in English, the default gender reference is always he or him. That is because American English is based on a masculine sex of the country which is represented by "Uncle Sam", a man. You cannot use the slash mark to indicate 2 genders as that confuses the discussion. Just pick a gender and stick to it.

I can't review your essay beyond these general comments because I am not sure about the other prompt requirements. If you can provide additional information about the discussion, I might be able to add some other advice to this already existing information for your referral.
OP alinavaky 1 / 3 1  
Mar 19, 2017   #5
@Holt, Russian National Exam`s essay has this structure:Introduction(that there are two different opinions),body(you choose one of two opinions and proof your point of view with 2 reasons),opposing idea(one argument),contradiction(why you disagree with the second statement),conclusion(repeat your opinion).
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,039 2725  
Mar 19, 2017   #6
I am very sad that you wasted your second and final free advice by simply trying to teach me how a Russian essay is written. Along with it, you should have included the original prompt requirement as well so that I could have at least used your essay format instruction to create a more authoritative analysis of the essay that you wrote. Now, I cannot do anything for you anymore. If you include the prompt requirement at this point, I will no longer be able to advice you about how to improve your weak points. The only way I can do that, if you decide to provide the prompt, is if you turn this essay into an "Urgent" thread, where I can continue discussing the points for improvement based upon the prompt you might be willing to provide.
OP alinavaky 1 / 3 1  
Mar 19, 2017   #7
@Holt, I am sorry. I wasn`t going to teach you. I just wanted to provide you this structure to give you better understanding of RNE essay, I thought it would help you to analyze my work(because I understand, that it is different from other countries` essays). Moreover, I really appreciate everything you have written to me, you`re almost right! I got it.

Prompt requirement: comment on the following statement: The clothes people wear influence their behavior. What is your opinion? Do you agree with this statement?(after that where is plan of essay in my book)

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