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IELTS; Some people argue that smoking should be made illegal.


Negative health effects of smoking are enormous and today it has become a serious health issue as it causes untreatable diseases and death of thousands of people. In spite of that, the number of people becoming addicted to smoking is increasing rapidly specially among the teenagers. Thus, some people argue that smoking should be made illegal.

In recent year smoking has become very popular particularly among teenagers, and should be banned. The number teenagers becoming addicted to smoke is heavily increasing. Furthermore, smoking causes serious health problems. For example, smoking is the main factor causing lung cancer. Now, some people argue that it is personal choice, and everybody can do whatever they want their lives and bodies. However, when it comes to smoking, it somehow affects not only the smokers but others as well. In fact money teenagers are affected by people smoking around them. For example, your friends smoke and sometime smoke to be like their friends or to be accepted in the company your friends. Moreover, many of them are affected at home. Even though, many parents do not allow their underage teens to smoke but if the elders smoke, especially parents, teens learn from it and sneak to smoke without being caught.

Furthermore, many teens becoming addicted to smoking out of curiosity. When a 16 years old teenager see a man and women smoking around the corner or in the bus stop, it becomes a motivation for teens to experiment smoke, and that experiment may turns out to become a life time addiction.

In conclusion, an increasing number of teens becoming addicted to smoking and if nothing is done to prevent their addiction to smoking, they will have serious diseases in the future and the only way to decline the number is to make smoking illegal.

Nov 9, 2013   #2
It's good if you include your prompt with the essay so that others would provide you with comments that are more aligned with your prompt. Also, you should have a meaningful topic in the Subject field when you open a fresh thread. This topic is attended by us. All IELTS essays need to be opened in the Writing Feedback forum. These thins would help you earn more comments on your part.

It is difficult to check the alignment of your introduction with the desired structure without seeing your prompt.
Negative health effects of smoking are enormous and today it has become a serious health issue as it causes untreatable diseases and death of thousands of people.

The first sentence of introduction cannot be too long, you should make it simple and clear.
such as:
Today,smoking brings enormous negative effects on health,resulting in a large amount of death.
The number teenagers becoming addicted to smoke is heavily increasing.

The number of teenagers becoming addicted to smoke is heavily increasing.

Furthermore, many teens becoming addicted to smoking out of curiosity.

Furthermore, many teens have become addicted to smoking out of curiosity.

When a 16 years old teenager see a man and women smoking around the corner or in the bus stop,

When a 16-year-old teenager see a man or a woman smoking around the corner or at the bus stop

In conclusion, an increasing number of teens becoming addicted to smoking

I think it would rather be "The number of teens becoming addicted to smoking is increasing..."
That quoted phrase should be the sentence so that it can better go along with the following sentence.


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