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Some people believe that food adverts should be banned.Do you agree or disagree?


zombibezelye 1 / 1  
May 26, 2016   #1
Recently, food adverts have become popular.Food adverts can be found on TV, in signboard and in many places.The pervasiveness of adverts alters people's lives in many ways.Whereas people ate the their food in their houses, they begin to consume junk food , now.Food adverts is a controversial point.Some people support that food adverts should be banned as adverts trigger unhealthy eating and these foods is unaffordable for the poor.Other people advocate it because they think that food adverts stimulate economy.However, in order to protect humans' health and poor people , food adverts should be banned by government.

It is argued that food adverts should not be banned because proponents think that economy stimulates thanks to adverts.People want to buy more products which is publicised.By this way, trade revives and thus bosses and workers make more money.They are right to some extent, however, these foods in adverts are unaffordable for the poor.The children seeing the food adverts want to eat these food but their parents do not afford the foods.Thus, the parents feel embarrassed and ineligible towards their children.The children may not respect their parents who are unable to meet the requests.While food adverts stimulate economy, these adverts may damage poor people.

It is claimed that food adverts should not be banned because supporters believe that everyone has the right to freedom of choice.Companies can advertise their own foods.Whether or not people eat the advertised foods is their own decisions.Advertising bannes restrict the liberties of the people.They are right to some extent, however, many people , especially children and teenagers , are impressionable from food adverts because advertiser present foods impressively and piquantly.Thus, they often eat unhealthy foods such as hamburgers, coke and packaged products.The teenagers eating these foods may encounter many diseases such as obesity and cancer in the future.So , foods adverts pose a serious problem for inexperienced people.Banning these adverts does not limit their freedom , on the contrary , their health are protected.

All in all ,the people have different ideas about food advertising ban.Some people are against food adverts but other people support food adverts.However, we need to ban these adverts because we must protect the poor , the teenager and people's health.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
May 26, 2016   #2
Hi Zehra, welcome to EssayForum :) It is nice to see there are many new members everyday. I hope that you are able to participate further in this forum by conveying your thoughts and ideas towards other members' essays. Before giving corrections to your essay, I would like to say that it is better for you to separate the paragraphs by giving 1 space (1 enter). It will ease us to check your essay and you will get our feedback faster.

I am sorry to say that your essay is suffering from punctuation problems. Most of your punctuation marks, regarding to the usage of 'period, comma' are incorrect. Let me show you how to correct them by showing you a detailed corrections of your introduction, then you will notice that the rest of the essay is also need to be revised.

- Recently, food advertsadvertisements have become popular. Food adverts can be found (1 space needed after 'period')
- The pervasiveness of adverts alters people's lives in many ways. (another space problem) Whereas people ate... (period) , now. Now, food adverts advertisements is aare controversial. point.(1 space needed after period)

- Some people support that food adverts should be banned as adverts trigger unhealthy eating, (comma) and these foods is unaffordablenot affordable for the poor people . (space needed again after period) Other people advocate it ...

- However, in order to protect humans' health and poor people, (only 1 space needed not two) food adverts should be banned by government.

As seen, punctuation marks play an essential role towards writing. Therefore, it should be taken into your consideration. Good luck in finding similar errors on the rest of your essay. :)
akbartaufiq25 7 / 81 54  
May 26, 2016   #3
Indeed, welcome to the big family of EssayForum, Zehra! You are very lucky to join us because we provide the accurate feedbacks toward your essay. I wish you can improve your writing after joining and actively participating in this forum.

Now I have several notes after reading through your essay and I can say that you are rich of ideas. This will be better if you revise the essay due to the problems I found in the essay. Here are several additional takes on your writing:

"Recently, Food adverts have become popular.Food adverts as people can befind it on TV, in signboard, and in many placeseverywhere. I suggest you to not put the sentence as your introduction.

"Some people supportagree that.." The word "agree" is more suitable in the sentence .
I would like to give you the laternate version of this sentence: "Whereas people ate the their food in their houses, they begin to consume junk food , now." The following is my suggestion:

"For instance, most people begin to consume junk food ."
"Recently, food adverts is a controversial pointbecome a debatable topic in the society." I think this sentence is more likely to be an introductory sentence/the hook in your writing. Then, you can start it with the original first sentence of your writing.

I suggest you to be careful with the tenses since the use of verb forms in this writing is a little bit inconsistent. I wish you will post the revision of this essay to see your progress. Cheers :D


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