Some people believe that the government should spend money on exploring the solar system - IELTS 2

Spending money on exploring outer space or on basic needs

There has been a strong debate on how the government should finance different sectors. Different people have different angles of thoughts on this hot issue. Some people believe that the government should spend money on exploring the solar system, while others are against this point of view. In my opinion, I believe that there are more important concerns on Earth that need to be resolved. I feel this way for two main reasons that I would explore in the subsequent paragraphs.

To begin with, the education system in many developing countries is destroyed and requires renovation. To ensure having a powerful country, governments have to establish a strong education system to graduate students effective in their society. For instance, several years back, the United Arab Emirates was a developing country with most of its people uneducated. After a few years, they discovered oil and became one of the richest countries. Their government decided to wisely use the money they gained from petrol and establish a powerful educational system. Consequently, this yielded educated generations, who contributed to build up their country and transform it into one of the most prestigious nations worldwide. Thus, spending more money on the educational sector will bring more profit than spending on outer space.

Moreover, no one can neglect the fact that there are severe limitations to health care in developing countries. Although there are many health facilities, the services are unevenly distributed, and there is a lack of many essential medicines and inappropriate prescriptions. As a result, this all contributes to unnecessary suffering and mortality. Egypt is one of the most compelling evidence of this. According to statistics, a large number of Egyptians die from Hepatitis C every year. This is because many of these patients aren't getting the right medical attention, nor are they receiving the appropriate medications. However, this can be avoided to a great extent if the government allocates more money to offer a better health system and afford the proper medications.

To sum it up, there are far more important issues that need the government's finance more than exploring the space. This money can be used to improve both the educational and health sectors.

You did not follow the discussion instructions as provided in the original prompt. For clarity:

OI: Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
YI: I feel this way for two main reasons that I would explore in the subsequent paragraphs.

Rather than using the public and personal opinion discussion format, you changed it to a personal opinion format only. Which means, you failed to discuss this essay based on the required discussion instruction. That will automatically earn you a failing TA score. The length of your essay does not matter at this point because you have not represented the discussion in the proper format. You cannot get a passing score when you make it very obvious that you disregarded the original instructions for one reason or another. The main problem, which will cause the failing mark, is the lack of proper discussion format in your presentation.

The correct discussion format:
Par. 1: Restatement
Par. 2: Public POV 1 + Personal opinion
Par. 3: Public POV 2 + Personal opinion
Par. 4: Recap / concluding summary

You did not do this in your presentation so you have shown a lack of ability to follow basic English instructions as provided in the original prompt.

@Holt
Thanks for your feedback. Just to clarify something I am answering a TOEFL question not IELTS. Moreover, I thought its an agree/disagree question where I had to choose one side and talk mainly about it.