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People believe that the technology has driven them to face great development in their daily routine


ibal28 20 / 30 5  
Aug 27, 2016   #1
Question:
There has been major advances in technology over recent decade and this has led to significant improvement in people's live. Agree or disagree?

Answer:

Introduction
In this globalization era, technology has changed rapidly and gives a great impact for people live. For this reason, People believe that technology drive people to face great development in their daily routine. In my educational perspective, I have a tendency to accord this group of people.

Conclusion
To sum up, although some disagree that the cutting-edge technology has not tremendous enhancement, I am more likely to assume that this advance technology has led to the great development because it might help people to do something in this era become easier than a past time. I would suggest that people must use the technology wisely.

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Aug 27, 2016   #2
Hi Abal
Welcome to Essay Forum. You have been the right website to improve your skill. You should harness EF as well as possible. Well, let me help you to finalize this. These are my corrections.


Introduction
... technology has changed rapidly and gives GIVEN a great impact for ON people live HUMAN LIFE. For BASE ON this reason, People THOSE (Those is sometimes used to substitute word "people". Please avoid repetition) believe that THE technology HAS driveN people THEM to face great development ...

In my educational perspective VANTAGE POINT, I have a tendency to ...

Conclusion
... cutting-edge technology has not THE tremendous enhancement, (...) that this advance SOPHISTICATED technology has led to the great ...
I would suggest IT IS NECESSARY that people must use ...
Dipa19 8 / 13  
Aug 28, 2016   #3
Hi Indrii, this is my suggestion

has changed rapidly and gives a great impact for people live.

"has changed " (using present perfect tense), then you use "gives" in the same sentence. It is not allowed. So, in a sentence should be parallel. If you want to use present perfect just use it in a whole sentence/paragraph...

In english, punctuation is critical. So, be careful if you want / have to use that. Different punctuation/ forgetting the punctuation can change the meanings of the sentence. Don't forget the apostrophe (') it should be people's live

In my educational perspective, I have a tendency to accord this group of people

What do you want to say? I don't catch your meaning. Probably, if you want to say that you are agree just say it.

"In my educational perspective, I (agree) with that because.......... "

For this reason, People believe that technology ("can drive" change with "can help/can support") people to ("face" changes with "sustain") (the) great development in their daily routine...
Permata992 7 / 12  
Aug 29, 2016   #4
Hi my sister..i am so happy left comment here..this is my correction for you..i hope that it can help you to improve your writing skill..fighting for IELTS examination..

In this globalization era (you can change with Recently, Nowadays, or in these day) , technology has changed rapidly and gives (GIVEN please pay attention with grammar, please look the previous verb. if you use s+v2 and s+v2) a great(large, plenty) impact for(On)people live(Human Life) . For this reason(According to the reason) , People believe that the technology drive(Driven) people to face great ...

In my educational perspective(Personally) , I have a tendency to accord this group of people.
fikni05 3 / 3  
Aug 29, 2016   #5
Hi ibal28
Great to know that you are in essay forum now. yay! well, this is my correction for your post.

For the introduction, it's good for you to paraphrase the question/instruction then you add some of your supporting words (which is you already did it). Good! and in the instruction asked that are you agree or disagree, you should decide your position here you will be agree or disagree of that statement then give the high light of your main reason why.

So the instruction should contain : background and thesis statement (writers position & writers opinion).

The conclusion should be the sentence that strong the thesis statement. You can paraphrase your thesis statement again. Well you already did well enough.

I think that's all from me. Keep writing, seeya abroad!


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