Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


TOEFL: people can communicate faster and more conveniently using phone or e-mail



phuongnam95 9 / 27  
Dec 4, 2013   #1
These are my two essays of this topic. Hope to see your comment and suggest which one is better, thanks.
Nowadays, means of communication are diverse; people can either communicate by using letters, email, telephone or they can talk to each other face to face. Although each kind of communication has its own advantages and drawbacks, I disagree that it is better to use direct communication than to use indirect types of communication such as email, letter or telephone calls, because it is faster and more convenient when communicating by indirect ways.

Initially, using letters, email or telephone to transfer information to other people is faster than talking in person. With the development of technology, people only need devices as home such as computers, pens or telephone and they can communicate with other people in a second. Just need a click on computer's mouse and our emails are sent. For example, my father is a businessman and he usually uses his computer to compose emails to discuss problems with customers. He only needs less than one second to transfer a contract to his customer by using email. On the other hand, if he uses direct communication, he needs to go out and meet this person, which can take a lot of time. In short, with the development in technology, people can easily communicate with each other in a fastest way by using emails, letters and telephone calls.

In addition, talking directly is not as convenient as using other types of communication. If people want to talk face to face with other people, they need to have an appointment which must be on the time that all people are free. Then they must choose the place to meet and how to go to these places. It is not easy to come to a suitable decision for all people. In contrast, using telephone calls, letters or email, people only need to stay at home or stay in office. In some urgent situations and we need to communicate immediately, talk indirectly is not the best way. For instance, I am now studying in secondary school and when my mother drives me to school. My school usually has some special ceremonies when students can come home earlier than usual. On this situation, I just need to make a phone call by using my cell phone with my mother and tell her to pick me up earlier. That is really convenient; I cannot meet her directly in that situation. To recap, using emails, letters or telephone calls are more convenient than using face-to-face communication.

To sum up, I think that it is better to use other types of communication rather than talking face-to-face, because people can communicate faster and more conveniently. People now rely more on modern technology like computers or cell phones so the change from direct communication to indirect one is crucial and suitable.

There are many ways for people to communicate with each other. People can talk face to face or they can use other kinds of communication such as emails, letters or telephone calls. Each mean of communication has its own advantages and disadvantages but in my perspective, I agree that it is better to use face-to-face communication than to communicate by emails, letters or telephones, because when talking directly, people can recognize the attitude of the listeners and can use other tools of communication beside words.

Initially, when communicating face to face, people can know the feeling of the opposite person. They can detect whether this person want to talk to them. By looking at his or her face, people can use different words that are suitable to the situations. For example, my father who is a businessman told me that he needs to meet diverse kinds of customers. Some customers are easily to deal with but others are not. Because of this, when he is going to negotiate a contract with a customer, he usually sees customer's face in order to predict the emotion. It is necessary in a conversation to know the feeling of the opposite people. If he uses emails or telephone calls, he cannot know about this. He said that when a customer is seen happy, he will continue discussing about the problem and each aspect of the contract. On the other hand, when he sees that the customer is really exhausted because of working hard, he will politely end the discussion and invite him or her to a meal in order to refresh his or her mind. As the result, the contract will be signed easily. In short, when talking directly, people can observe the attitude of listeners better than when communicating through other kinds.

In addition, when talking directly, people can use other ways to improve the conversation such as facial expression, body language. We can use hands, mouth or eyes in order to express words that are hard to say or we can connect with listeners through using them. As I recall, when I went to an interview last year to apply for a job, while talking face to face with an interviewer, I sat straightly and made an eye contact with him to show the reliance and respect. I tried to combine my hands with my words to make him understand me more. I cannot use these things if I have an interview through cell phones.

To sum up, I think that it is better to use talking face-to-face rather than other kinds of communication, because people can discern the feeling of opposite people and they can use body language as well. With the development of technology, there are fewer people want to talk directly but with these benefits, I think the best way to communicate is meeting face to face and talking directly.

Pahan 1 / 1824  
Dec 7, 2013   #2
These are my two essays of this topic. Hope to see your comment and suggest which one is better, thanks.

If you are keen on earning more comments for your essays, you should open two threads for these two essays. It is always good to have one essay per one thread :)

Let me comment on your first essay;

Nowadays, means of communication are diverse

... yes of course - Good hook.
I think you follow the most appropriate essay structure. Good ideas, vocabulary and grammar too. So, overall your essay is very good and you can surely get a very good score if you managed your time well with this first essay :)
dumi 1 / 6795  
Dec 7, 2013   #3
Pahan is right. It is the forum rule too. Have one essay per one thread. :)
Overall, I too agree with Pahan. Now that you have grasped the right structure and present your essay very well. I think now you can move on to practicing a different task. Without any problem you can get a very good score :) Good Luck!
OP phuongnam95 9 / 27  
Dec 7, 2013   #4
Thank both of you a lot. I will use two thread later:d. I am going to take TOEFL ibt in next 2 weeks. Which score in 30-scale will I have with this essay? Moreover, I also want to improve my inegrated writing skill and I cannot attach audio file in the thread. I don't know how to post this kind of essay on forum? Or can both of you give me your email and I will send it to you?


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL: people can communicate faster and more conveniently using phone or e-mail
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳