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[TOEFL]Some people consider that our life is more complex than it was in the past


prompt:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


the ability of planing to deal with complex problems today



The modern life is much different with before. Some people even consider a more precise claim that our life is more complex. From my perspective, I agree with this statement. Furthermore, I consent to that the ability to plan and organize is crucial for young individual.

The problems occurring get more complex now, so ability to plan and organize is crucial for young people. That is to say when the tasks for young people involve much more skills or knowledges, a good plan assists people in solving problems more efficiently. For example, for students who are doing research, they need a rational plan to decompose a huge project to several small problems, to help them proceed in order, as well as to organize the collected information. Therefore, a good plan is really important for young people to figure out problems in time.

In addition, we young people need capability of planing to deal with more complex identities. Now we have more identities than people living in the past. One research down by social and humanity department of Peking University shows that more than 20.4% young people have two or more former jobs, meanwhile in the rest more than 60% have former job with part-time job. Each job gives every single person different identity and responsibility. Just image what would happen if one individual fail to plan events well. That fail to complete works is often occurred. In comparison, planing events advanced can alert people to do their jobs on time and get rid of disorder. So in term of such case, plans are significant for young people.

Last but not least, the relationship among people also get more implicated, without plan and organization they are tent to get overwhelming in social network. Participating in diverse social activities, we young people contact with more and more people, our connections with others get complex. Organization enables us to feel clear with each kind of relationship and get along well with others.

To warp up, young people require the ability of planing to deal with complex problems, identities as well as relationship with others.

Aug 12, 2017   #2
Luo, let's start with the basic problem in your essay, the opening statement. It doesn't accurately deliver the required parameters. It is supposed to be an original restatement of the given prompt requirement. That is not what you did here. You immediately launched into a discussion of your opinion on the matter when that is the opposite of what is required. Here is a sample of a proper representation of the first paragraph for your essay, presenting all of the required elements that the examiner will look for:

We live in a highly modern society that represents a complex life. As such, it has become highly important for young adults to develop the ability to plan and organize their daily lives. The discussion in this essay will represent the reasons and offer examples as to why I agree with the previously stated point of view.

As with any opening statement, it is important to present an original paraphrase that clearly borrows keywords from the original prompt. That is because the use of the keywords helps the examiner get an idea regarding the degree of your English comprehension and vocabulary skills. If you know how to use the keywords properly in a sentence, you are sure to get higher marking considerations. All the more if you are able to properly restate the instructions for the discussion as exemplified above.

If you used the internet to research the specific figures and sources of information in this essay, I need to stop you from further doing that in the future. You only have a limited amount of time to write this essay in the exam center. The computers will be locked out from accessing the internet. You won't have the luxury of developing your discussion based upon research. So learn to use personal experience and examples as much as possible when offering explanations and examples to defend your stance. Getting used to doing research to create a perfect practice essay will be a disservice to you in the actual test because, if you are presented with an unfamiliar topic to discuss, you will not know how to adjust in order to write a response without the aid of internet research. Stick to only popular knowledge and personal experience. That is the surefire way to get a pretty good score even if you are not too familiar with the topic presented.

When you use English terms, just because it sounds right does not mean it is the right word to use. In the end, you said "to warp up", the correct term is "to wrap up". Warp means to distort while wrap means to close. If you are not sure of the term you will be using, try to find an alternative term instead. It is better to use a simple but correct term instead of a complex but wrong term in a sentence.
@Holt
Happy to see you again, I say this because after the first you read my article titled as "an effective leader should try to make others part of the decision making process", you had gave me some useful suggestion, so later I wrote another article about the same topic. And I informed you with that, might be you are too busy to look over that essay. So If it won't bother you could you help me with that article? I will paste the link in the last of this reply.

Now, I want to ask more questions about this article, or more precisely about TOEFL independent essay. I have read many your replies or suggestions for others, and you always emphasize the first paragraph that we should repeat the original prompt, I agree with you. So I play careful attention to this essay, and use the words "complex life", "ability to plan and organize", also show my opinion, why don't you think I still fail to do well in the first paragraph? Hope that you won't fell I was so self-confidence to say that, I just want more recommendations to adjust myself style.

The second question is that do you want to say the uncommon research data exposes myself to the risk of forging data? So the examiner will suspect my essay's accuracy?

Comes my third question, if I use too much myself experiences, will it make my essay lack persuasion? Or besides individual's experiences, are there other methods I can use to make my article more logical?

Finally, thanks for your reading and reply.


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