people today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out . What are the causes and solution

Nowadays, both indoor and outdoor seem not to bring security to individuals . The issue stems from a number of causes to which several solutions will be proposed in this essay .

On the one hand, there are a number of causes of this pressing issue. Firstly , traffic accidents have been rising day by day which leads to fright in people. For instance , according to scientists, the chance of citizens to be in a traffic accident is more than that of winning a lottery. Secondly, staying at home is not an absolute safety to most people simply because the risk of diseases can affect people's health either inside or outside of the house is relentless continuing . Therefore , it could be explained by the fact that there are too many substandard foods distributed in the markets so that people can consume any of them without knowing its poison inside . Moreover , global warming also plays an important role in contributing the recession of people's health because the atmosphere that humans breathe everyday can contain detrimental chemicals .

On the other hand , several actions can be taken to address the aforementioned issues . The first measure would be to guarantee traffic's laws which make people feel safer when going outside . Take Vietnam's government for example , the ministry of transport has declared the law that people who do not wear helmets , be on the appropriate speed or do not carry license along will be fined harshly . Another efficacious way is to manage the food production process that secures people's faith in goods. Consequently , the fear of being threatened by both indoor and outdoor factors would be vanished quickly as a result of the safety that people are brought to no matter what they consume.

In conclusion , the uncertain of being indoor or outdoor can be caused by several reasons which are the danger of traffic and the insecurity of foods and this issue can be dealt with by a joint effort of both government's action and people's awareness

You cannot use the comparative reference "On the one hand/on the other hand" because you are not discussing the same topic in the reasoning paragraphs. Such references can only be used when dealing with comparative discussions, not in single opinion paragraphs. Therefore, there is an incorrect response format in the essay that will reduce your Task Accuracy score.

In the first reasoning paragraph, your topics are disconnected. These are not related and no proper transition phrasing or sentence was used to achieve the transfer of ideas from one topic to the next. Therefore, the paragraph will be confusing for the reader and will receive a reduced GRA score.

It would be better if you use the following format next time:
1. Problem statement
2. Cause of the problem
3. Solution to the problem
4. Supporting example
5. Transition sentence or phrase.

thank you very much for such a big help :)

@buitiendung
i think you have to be more clear and distinct with your points and make sure all your developing sentences are following that point