The prompt: Many people leave their home country and go to other countries to live and work.

MANY PEOPLE LEAVE THEIR HOME COUNTRY AND GO TO OTHER COUNTRIES TO LIVE AND WORK. WHY DO YOU THINK IT IS HAPPENING?

DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS TREND OUTWEIGH ITS DISADVANTAGES?

My essay:The prompt: Many people leave their home country and go to other countries to live and work.

There is indeed a considerable number of people choosing to go to foreign nations to make a living and settle in these places. There could be several reasons for this, and I consider it to be more benefits than drawbacks.

Nowadays, some people would like to have personal developing opportunities in their career but in some cases, in their native land, they can not seek out any chance for this because maybe their jobs or majors are not popular in their country. For example, in some countries, artificial intelligence is an aspect that is not enough common so that all the people who pay more attention to it can approach and find jobs. Hence, they have to move to other countries where they are enabled to study and work in this sector.

In my view, this trend brings about many upsides rather than downsides. As I mentioned before, people who live and work abroad might find good jobs that are suitable for their interests and ability, so they might also be capable of earning a high salary and make their life better. On another side, it can be difficult for some people because they might feel out of water when living overseas alone, they also have to face many problems such as strange culture, communicative barrier. However, they can solve these things by learning the language and making more friends o improve their knowledge about the culture and inhabitants in this country.

In conclusion, some individuals who go away from their home country result from the challenge of finding jobs in society, and I believe that this trend is desirable.

Thanks for your help!

When asked "Why do you think this is so?" that is the opening for the thesis statement presentation. It means, a precise and direct reason for the occurrence must be presented as a part of the opinion statement. It cannot be responded to vaguely by giving a non descriptive response. When asked for reasons or a reason, provide one. This will tell the examiner that you understand the topic and what the discussionr requirements are. The current presentation is only partially responsive in terms of response format and answer requirements. This is a 3 sentence presentation.

Sentence 1: Topic
Sentence 2: Response to the first question
Sentence 3: Response to the second question

The reason paragraph is good. It is not grammatically perfect but, it allows a clear understanding of the thoughts of the writer just the same. It works because the logic within the presentation is focused on a single topic. It covers all the required elements of the paragraph presentation. However, the same cannot be said for the second reasoning paragraph.

Do not use a compare and contrast presentation because this is a single opinion essay. Both reasons you present should prove that disadvantages are actual advantages. It should not indicate a confusing presentation that blurs your actual opinion when compared to your restatement paragraph.

@Thuyan1211
In my opinion, your essay is clearly structured with Introduction, 2 body passages and Conclusion, which is good.
However, I have some comments based on my own experience:
In introduction, I would like to add 1 - 2 leading sentences to make the opening smoothier by referring to Globalization or something like that ^^
About pointing reasons of living and working in other countries, it think it would be better if you can support the sencond passage with 2 reasons that might strongly prove your opinions. (Besides, I see in the Introduction you already wrote " several reasons")

The third paragraph looks fine to me
The conclusion should be restate reason(s) and your opinion more strongly, I believe.

That's my personal thought. Hope it will be helpful to you :))

I agree with what Ranee said, you wrote in the first sentence that "There could be several reasons...", so try to give more reasoning on the second paragraph that could help enhance your first paragraph.