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People are more likely to spend their leisure time online rather than among local communities



SYDA 11 / 21  
Nov 17, 2016   #1
People are spending more time on the internet rather than real human beings.

Over recent decades, online communities have become accepted worldwide. Even though people are more likely to spend their leisure time on online rather than local communities, I prefer to enjoy passing time with social contact because it strength our relationship bond.

Social interface has brought enormous benefits in our life. If people more focus on our social gathering such as birthday parties, marriage ceremonies and other parties rather than networking on the internet. Thus, friends, relatives, families will more active to take caring of relationship in many ways that will lead the sense of communication among them. In addition to this, man naturally seems to like meeting with one another because it is one kind of needs of human.

People; however, are more likely to use the web sites such as Facebook, Twitter these day. This tendency has certain benefit, but it also has some ramification. The main drawback is the fact that we will probably spend more time on web that may creates a gap among family member especially in young and older. Older member of the family may not get much time to impart values, believe and norms to others member, who are more busy with online life. Thus, it cannot contribute to the development of personality of younger.

To conclude, although the internet has undoubtedly been beneficial, I prefer spending more time on real interaction because there are good reasons to be concerned about social interaction in our societies. It is, therefore, important that we maintain a balance between our online life and our contact with real human beings.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15386  
Nov 17, 2016   #2
Syeda, I am not sure if you replied to the provided prompt properly because you did not give us a complete copy of the prompt requirements. Do us a favor and post the complete prompt for our reference ok? We need to know if this paper was to be written as a personal opinion paper or what. The specifics can be gained from the original prompt. I have to point out that your essay has a tendency to present incomplete thoughts such as in the second sentence of the second paragraph. You forgot to state the topic of your sentence so it delivers an incomplete thought. As such, the paragraph would be better presented if you simply delete that line. Your overall discussion seems to be logical and, based upon the title of your essay, looks to be prompt responsive to a specific degree. Again, we need the original prompt in order to determine the extent of propriety of your response. I look forward to reading the actual prompt very soon so that I can further improve upon my advice to you.
SarlindaDS_27 42 / 51  
Nov 19, 2016   #3
Hello, @SYDA, I just want to give you few corrections of your grammatical usage in this essay :)
Hope it will help you better :)

... I prefer to (...) because=>"you should give the preposition "of" it strength our relationship bond.

[The] Social interface has ...
... focus on our social => gatherings such as ...

... likely to use the web sites =>websites such as Facebook, Twitter these day=>this day. This tendency has [a] certain benefit, but ...
... that may creates =>create [modals + V1] a gap among ...
[The] Older member of (...) to impart values, believe =>belief and norms to others member, who are more busy => busier with online life.

Keep Writing and Good Luck :)


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