IELTS: How many people listened to different types of music in Tokyo last month

The table shows how many people listened to different types of music in Tokyo last month, with the pie chart indicating whether they enjoyed live or recorded music.

Overall, the most popular method of listening to music for men is Mp3-players, while that for women is live music. Besides, the majority of both groups state they enjoy live music.

As can be seen from the table, a massive 79% of males use Mp3-players to listen to music, compared to a modest 19% of them prefer CDs, which are also the least popular for females, with only 22%. Almost equal percentages of females like Mp3-players, Internet, and live music, standing at 40%, 42%, and 44% respectively. For these three categories, the percentages of males are all higher than those of females.

It is clear from the pie chart that a hefty 70% of people who are surveyed enjoy live music, in comparison with 26% of them choose recorded music, and a tiny majority of them do not know what their favourites are.

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Should I add an "s" behind the words in red?

Thanks in advance

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women is were live music. - i think you wrote about last month listeners
that for women is were live music
enjoyed

As can be seen from the table, a massivea large majority of 79% of males use Mp3-players to listenfor listening to music, compared to a modest 19% of them preferring CDs(stop here as it would be too long for the reader to memorize those details), whichThe CDs are also the least popular foramong females, with only 22%.

It seems you follow a good structure and you have good writing skills. Do not lengthen your sentences too much :)