IELTS TASK 2: Most people lives in small vilage

Hello everyone, this is my first essay so i need your help to improve my writing ability. Thanks:)

In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area.

What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?

With the movement of lifestyle, family life in the village is not the same experience as in the big city, because the community is small which people solely know a few people in their circumstances. While, some people believe that there are benefits and drawbacks of it, I believe that there is a positive impact for this trend.

With regard to the drawbacks of little community, inhabitants believe that it is not acceptable for several reasons. They are easily to feel bored in doing the same activities as farmer or labor every day. For instance, they always go to work in the early morning and then back home in the evening. In addition, the people always meet up the same person in their little circumstances, so they solely have limited connection globally. It is evident that none of them would improve their lives.

On the other hand, I would agree that living in a small community has benefit. Firstly, it creates a close relationship among families. For instance, recent studies confirm that the majority of Indonesian villagers have many social activities in different types of activity like reciting Al-Quran together once a week. As a result, people who live in a few communities get more kinship relationship in each family.

To sum up, although the majority of people argue that live in small community addresses some benefit, I would argue that there are disadvantages for those who have a quality time in their little environment.

because the community is small which people solely know a few people in their circumstances. While, some people believe that there are benefits and drawbacks of it, I believe that there is a positive impact for this trend

I think this can be phrased "the community is small, allowing people to easily get acquainted with one another and remain supportive in times of need or to share and take part in common activities.While this can be beneficial during a crisis, it also limits the interaction and room to grow.

The benefits of living in a small community is most definitely the familiarity,friendliness and comfort. but the disadvantages do include an invasion of privacy and the lack of awareness of happenings globally by way of getting introduced to more people.

1. While subject+verb (sub clause), (comma here) subject+verb (main clause). This is the pattern of periodic sentence which can be used when you write thesis statement, but you failed to write this complex sentence properly.

2. Subject+verb while subject+verb.


Let me rewrite your introductory paragraph.
In the 5 decades ago, the majority of people tended to live in the little villages in which the sense of community was so hard to get on with each other. As time has gone by most people prefer to live in the cosmopolitan cities where the inhabitants do not event know their neighbors. While a small community provides a sense of community which benefits people in villages especially for retirements, a small group cannot create the golden opportunities in term of purpose in the future for young people.

Hi @rianristyanti

With the movement of lifestyle, family life in the village is not the same experience as in the big citymetropolitan city , (delete "comma") because the community is small which people solely know a few people in their circumstances.