There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Music plays an important role in people's lives. They need music to booster their mood particularly when they have to workout. Sadly, people have a tendency to choose international music than traditional one. This essay will discuss about these two notions.
Music helps people to get better mood in exercise since it can set tone followed by people's movements. They feel to be accompanied with the harmony or intonation of music, and this makes them more spirit to do sport. For illustrate, when I joined in fitness centre, I was likely to listen to fast beat music in my MP3 player, while I did my cardio exercise on treadmill equipment. I could undergo for more than 30 minutes. In reverse, when I forgot to use it, I only did less than 10 minutes. This is the reason why the music is very essential for people's lives.
For music preference, people especially young generations tend to choose international music particularly with song or lyrics than traditional music. They like this music as they can develop their English ability in listening. This helps their ears sensible listen to English vocabulary. A recent study by Tokyo University found that 60% of senior high school students in Japan could accomplish listening exam at 80% due to listening western music regularly. This means that the music can be used for studying method. However, they may lack of traditional music references.
All in all, people harness the music to stimulate their moods in doing sport. However, some others prefer to international than traditional music. There is an anxiety that the latter may become extinct if several people listen to the former more.
Your grammer is almost perfect and I like your instances. However, regarding the content, you claimed that "There is an anxiety that the latter may become extinct if several people listen to the former more." at the end of the passage, which makes me want more examples or details in this aspect. I mean it may seem incomplete if you just advance a point without elaborate further explanations. I don't know if there is a time limitation in IELTS TSK, you had better mind it. Best wishes!
... particularly when they have to workout (noun)?
... and this makes them more spirit (spirit is a noun) ? to do sport. For illustrate (verb), when I joined in fitness ...
Masdar, further strengthen the discussion of your opening statement of this essay by presenting your opinion regarding the importance or lack of importance of traditional music in the music listening landscape of any country. Give a preview as to why you believe that traditional music is important to a nation. Connect it with the sadness of your discussion as to why people better prefer to listen to international music. That will highlight you English comprehension and logic abilities in the eyes of the examiner.
This is the reason why the music is very essential for people's lives.
- The line of reasoning is weak. You need to add more information such as how studies have shown that listening to music helps time pass faster due to the distraction it offers the person doing a repetitive activity and other similar facts.
However, they may lack of traditional music references.
- Where is the discussion as to the importance of traditional music? You said it saddened you to know that listeners prefer international music. This sentence should have served as the transition sentence into that required paragraph discussion. It should have been in the next paragraph. Double check the prompt. You will see that you neglected to respond to the most important prompt requirement given to you for discussion.