Some people say that aging population cause problems, others see benefits of it. Discuss both views

Topic:
Some people think that it causes big problems.
Others, however, think the ageing population has many advantages for business, government and for society in general.

Discuss both views & give your own opinion

Due to the consecutive development of the standard of living, it seems that the longevity of people will be lengthened. It goes without saying that this issue has led to the advancement of aging population which is eternally creating an ongoing debate among the public whether it offers profuse merits to humankind or poses a great threat to the society specifically. From my perspective, I strongly reckon that the adverse points outweigh the conducive ones.

First and foremost, the escalation in population will instigate the shortage of people's accommodation.Accordingly, people who cannot afford their monthly rent can easily be driven to the edge of suicide in view of their incalculable loan.This both causes appreciable damage to the creditors and blood relatives.In the second place, it is an irrefutable fact that with almost countries, the surge in population will trigger off a remarkable crime rate. The society, therefore, will be more chaotic and a myriad of effective precautions should be rather than remain unchanged and this implies that the authority must spend a profusion of money to tackle this problem which are non-existent previously.

Notwithstanding these aforementioned downsides, a lengthy individual's lifespan will give rise to a bigger workforce and an enormous number of industrial factories.In other words,the prolongation of the public's life expectancy can enhance the economy and especially provide prosperity for the second-class citizens. Hence, their quality of life will be strengthened and the civilization,in general, will escalate substantially.

On the whole, I hold the view that the drawbacks of the elderly population far surpass the advantages ones.

The main problem with this essay is the improper discussion presentation. Public opinions were presented for the benefit of the reader. The writer is expected to write a 2 pronged justification essay. That means, the discussion should compare the public and personal opinion of the writer. It is this comparative discussion that provides the strength of your personal opinion. Therefore, when you do not clearly represent both sides of the discussion, you can only gain limited scoring credits for the personal opinion section. You did not even try to explain the public point of view for each stance. You focused on a single stance and ran with it. That is not how the multi opinion discussion essay is presented. You need to use the comparative writing format next time.

@roadto8writing
The writing is also a bit too passive. For an argumentative essay, I think you need to present a clear thesis statement in your intro. This will then enable you to separate between the arguments (adverse vs. conducive) you're trying to make. Also, in terms of clarity, keep your language simple. I am not sure who is the intended audience for this essay, but some of your sentences are too complex, which makes it hard to follow your train of thought. Like I have seen many moderators in here comment, simple is powerful.