Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.

Some individuals believe that music is a great idea to connect people from many parts of the world, not even ages or different cultures in combination. I agree with that opinion. In this essay, I will talk about how music creates the chance for people to expand their knowledge about different cultures and aging.

First, music gives a chance for people around the world to approach different cultures. The development of mass media makes music lovers approach a variety of music at ease. We are not strange with "Kpop", and "USUK",... which are named to describe where they were created. Following the trend, there was a large number of fans of these two types of music, not even skin, age, or sexual,...A clear example is a Korean band called "Blackpink", they were welcome in many parts of the world: Paris, New York, Singapore, Viet Nam, and China,...It shows that the language barrier is not a difficult problem for those who love music and its melody. "When word falls, music speaks", there is another piece of evidence that music is playing in connecting people's souls. On music applications such as Spotify, and Apple Music,..users can find any song from anywhere, any singer. Despite hearing one song the structure of the user's number comes from many different age groups. There is evidence that those users have a lot in common with music style even the age they are.

In conclusion, music can connect each individual and the problems about language barriers or aging are not worth worrying about.

Your response seems to be correct upon first reading. However, reading the writing instructions will show that your response is not fully in the expected format. You did not properly respond to the question in the sense that you did not provide an extent or measured response to the given argument. Do what extent do you agree or disagree? Why? You need to use the correct response format if you are to get the full scoring consideration for your preliminary TA score. In this case, you will receive partial scores because your response does respond to the question, just not in the expected manner. Points will be given for responding as close to the expected format as possible.

The overview is quite good as it shows the outline and what you will present for the whole essay. However, the 3rd sentence means your essays will focus on expanding knowledge, not connecting people of different cultures and ages together.

The supporting ideas for the statement "music gives a chance for people around the world to approach different cultures" are not relevant. "There was a large number of fans of these two types of music" but what did music do to connect them together? I think this idea should be threshed out