IELTS TASK 2: Only people with special abilities can make art.

Is the art for everyone?

Topic: Some people say that art (e.g painting, music, poetry) can be made by everyone whereas others believe that it can only be made by those with special abilities.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Please check my essay. Much appreciated!
Summary:
1. Introduction
2. reason for limiting people to make art
3. reason for freely making art
4. my opinion
5. conclusion
Total words: 308

From the early years of humans being, there has been a big controversy over whether creative things of music, literature and painting should be created by only talented people, or by the whole world. To the best of my knowledge, although both viewpoints have positive and negative aspects, I am in great approval of freely allowing everybody to make art.

To begin with, the most supported idea of limiting people to make artistic productions is to respect true talents. Nowadays, when everyone can post everything they make on social network, art work of truely talented people can easily be blurred by other celebrities' creations, even it is just a normal thing. As a reasult of a long time recieving ignorance, they become discouraged and gradually give up making woth- appreciating creative productions. That's why some people claim that we should only let people with outsanding abilities make art.

On the contrary, the major of society encourages the show-off abilities of everyone, for either ourselves or people around us. Such artistic work like making poem or composing song can be made just for fun and relaxation. Many reaserch have suggested that humans have a tendency to create art when they are at comfort or in need of satisfying friends and in fact, a lot of masterpieces have come from these moments. Obviously, there are handful benefits of freely giving the right for all of us to make artistic creations.

In my opinion, I think that we all possess capcities to create great things because pratice make perfect. Not everyone is born with special abilities. Therefore, we have to allow the whole world to follow their dream in all fields, and art is not an exception.

In conclusion, while there are some negative effects of freely giving permission for everyone to make artistic work, its merits still overwhelming all downsides.

Hi,

There are a few typing mistakes in your writing, like "reasult" or "recieving". You should be more careful by reading your work once again.
There are some problems with your word choices, making your essay difficult to understand. I think you were trying to put a lot of "academic" words into your essay, don't do it unless you are 100% sure.

Your second paragraph confuses me, you said "art work of truely talented people can easily be blurred by other celebrities' creations" but at the end "That's why some people claim that we should only let people with outsanding abilities make art". I don't know talented people should or should not perform arts.

Your third paragragh do not show exactly why ordinary people should create arts, it is simply your ideas.

Hope this helps!

Your prompt paraphrase is incorrect as it does not properly reflect the original discussion presentation. Rather, it contains exaggerations that tend to change the original discussion slant. That makes the paraphrase unacceptable for the presentation. You also do not properly outline the discussion format for the essay. Your paraphrase should only present the following:

Sentence 1: Restated topic
Sentence 2: Public reason 1
Sentence 3: Public reason 2
Sentence 4: Implied personal opinion
Sentence 5: Transition sentence (optional)

In your presentation paragraphs for the public point of view, you cannot use first person pronouns in the discussion. Instead, opt to use gender free plural pronouns representative of group or collective opinions. The use of first person pronouns are not encouraged in the public discussion paragraphs because there is no personal opinion provided yet. You may use first person pronoun representations only in the personal opinion discussion paragraph.

Your discussion reasons are notable, but not properly presented because you got confused when it came to the pronoun usage for the public opinion paragraphs. You actually show potential in this particular essay. You just have to learn to use the proper pronouns throughout the essay, depending upon the prompt requirements.