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IELTS : Some people think that families have the most powerful influence on children


Nguyen Nhi Thao 1 / 1  
Dec 26, 2013   #1
Some people say that children will be affected by their parents but others say friend and media are the main factors lead children come to the changes in their life. Even though this is a controversial issue, I would contend that parents are just the strong impact for their children's life.

On the one hand, we have to admit that friends and media have the important role in children's life. When children go to school, they meet friends and also learn many things from friends such as: behavior, action, attitude, communication... every day. Sometimes, we can see some strange words that children learn from school, even they might come to another person with bad or good attitude and habits. Besides, children usually watch television such as films, programs, music those who may learn so much about society and be more flexible, energetic than others.

On the other hand, I believe that families play the most important role for their children's life. When parents raise their offspring, they put their attitude and habits on their children, accidentally contribute to children's personalities. This explains that most children have the behavior like their parents, that means if a child is raised in a good family, almost they become a good person. Moreover, parents have the right way to teach their children who also make children obey always and more easily than others. Actually, parents always be those who see their children clearest so that could discover children's aptitude, and that is an example how Le Quang Liem is a very good chess player.

Eventually, I firmly hold the view that social factors are external impact on children but families are internal impact as the most influence on the development of children.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Dec 26, 2013   #2
Include your prompt with the essay so that we can give you more meaningful comments.

Some people say that children will be affected by their parents but others say friend and media are the main factors lead children come to the changes in their life

... This a poorly constructed sentence and it does not deliver your idea clearly. Write short sentences with one idea per one sentence. That way you can improve clarity of your sentences.

Also, you need to work on improving your essay structure.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 27, 2013   #3
Always make sure you include the prompt with your essay. That gives lots of information for us to understand whether your writing is in line with what it expects.

On the one hand, we have to admit that friends and media have the important role in children's life.

On the one hand, we have to admit that friends and media play and important role in children's life

When children go to school, they meet friends and also learn many things from friends such as: behavior, action, attitude, communication... every day.

... behavior includes actions and therefore "actions" become redundant.
Children spend a considerable time in school where they have close interactions with their peers that heavily influence their behavior, attitude, communication skills etc.


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