Some people think that the students should have a gap year?

a relax year from studies

In some countries, the young people are promoted that should to work or travel for a gap year before studying at university or college. In this way, I therefore disagree with this statement that should take a gap year is a good option.

On the one hand, many people dream of doing or working job what they want when they graduated so this time is suitable for them. First of all, many people dream of doing or travelling what they want to do in this gap year; especially, the learner get little stress after a vacation so they would be more comfortable and excited about starting to go to school. Secondly, third level education has high fee so some students decided to find job for 12 months before sign in a course to save money so they could pay their tuition fees, accommodation and living cost in order to focus on studying, rather than worry free about struggle financially on their shoulder or part time job during studying. For example, the Times reported that the avenger student at a UK university requires over $12000 per annual so this top dollar of fee so the number of student has to drop out because they were unable to pay that.

On the other hand, an enormous of people get used to working and travelling and don't want to return studying so they could be out of plan. Firstly, travelling or working in a year off which make them become fall behind peers so is that reason why they could not find their motivation and always bypass about course. Secondly, some people predefined plan about the future but they were late one year to do anything they want so the future wouldn't be completive as possible as they planned before. For instance, a recent survey by the UK Government found that 26% of students who take a gap year never enter tertiary education.

In conclusion, having a relax year from studies is advantages but they have to careful about result which could lead to disillusionment with education altogether

Hi
1. It is weird that you write "so this time" in your topic sentence.

2." Secondly, third level education has high fee ..."
You write it too long in your second idea, and make it short with clear explanation. I find that you prefer using "so" to connect your sentence. It can be replace with other words.

3. In your conclusion, remember that you should just paraphrase your introduction, and do not add any new ideas to it.

@Ahnne This particular prompt asks you to discuss the advantages or disadvantages of a student taking a gap year before attending college. It does not ask for your opinion as to whether or not you agree to having a student take a gap year. Based on that mistake, you will have failed the TA section of this test immediately. This is not an agree or disagree essay. This is a comparison essay that does not require your personal opinion.

In addition to that mistake, all of your paragraphs only present subjects for discussion but does not actually explain why you believe these reasons as advantages or disadvantages. Each paragraph should have only one topic for discussion because the remaining 4 sentences should be used to defend your presentation regarding the (dis)advantages of the discussion. Without it, all of your paragraphs are not fully developed and will see low scores in the C&C scoring section.

You are also showing a lack of care when it comes to your punctuation skills. Your closing paragraph is missing a period at the end. In addition to that, the closing paragraph is supposed to be a summary of the body of paragraph reasons. Since you did not do that, expect to lose further points in terms of TA scoring.

Please remember to post the complete and original prompt for your essay the next time you post your work for review so that everyone who decides to advise you will be doing so based on proper instructions. Had it not been for my familiarity with the topic, I would not have been able to properly assess your essay and given you a generic or misguided set of advice instead. In order for you to receive helpful advice, you need to give us the criteria for reviewing your essay first.