Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their freetime to help

This is my subject:
Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their freetime to help the local community.
They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole.

Do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that it is essential for juveniles to involve in volunteering work for their local society as this might be beneficial to both teenagers and their community. From my perspective, I strongly agree with this statement for the following reasons.

To begin with, taking part in volunteering work is likely to help youngsters enhance themselves. This includes providing them the fundamental soft skills they need for their own life. To illustrate, while working as volunteers, they can have a chance to cooperate with each other, which may develop their teambuilding and communication skills. Furthermore, doing voluntary job could also broaden teenagers' circle of friends. As long as there is enough time for working and supporting each other, the young could gradually grow a good relationship, which might last for quite long.

Second of all, the whole community can gain many advantages of teenagers' doing unpaid work in their freetime. If many young people are engaged in these kinds of work, chances are that they may improve residents' living standards. For instance, when the young join hands in clearing the streets everyday after school, then the whole surrounding areas would be fresher and the level of pollution could be substantially reduced. Therefore, people in the neighboring zones may seize more opportunity to live in an environmentally-friendly livelihood.

To conclude, I think that youngsters' doing voluntary work can boast their soft skills, increase mutual relationships with each other and make the community worth living.

Good work on the prompt restatement. It is simple in presentation but still changed enough to not make the examiner believe that a cut and paste presentation was used. The writer's opinion could have been strengthened by including the 2 topics that you consider to be the supporting reason. I advise that students do this whenever possible because the accuracy of the opinion will be scored based on the clarity of the reason. Therefore, an opinion should include a discussion outline to allow for clearer opinion referencing. Consider it a summarized discussion point that will benefit the final score.

The proprietarial apostrophe is constantly misused in this essay. The writer is trying to reference the plural form of certain words. Adding an apostrophe does not create a plural form, it creates a proprietarial reference instead. That is incorrect punctuation usage in reference to grammar representation. For the plural form of words a +S is usually all that is required. Unless the word needs to be spelled differently to create the plural form (e.g. Goose = Geese).

As far as connected discussion points, the points provided are well developed and show a connection between paragraphs. However, the cohesive phrases that should connect the paragraphs are incorrect. One must first say "First of all" before one can use the corresponding reference "Second of all".

Hi,
I think that in your conclusion, using "boast their soft skills" is inappropriate. I checked the dictionary beforehand to see the meanings of the word "boast" and it said that "boast" has two meanings. Firstly, "boast" means speaking too proudly or happily about what you have done or what you own. Secondly, "boast" means having or owing something you are proud of. So using "boast their soft skills" is unsuitable. You should use "develop their soft skills", "sharpen their soft skills" or "boost their soft skills" instead because "develop", "sharpen" and "boost" all mean to improve something.

I also think that using "increase mutual relationships" is unsuitable. It sounds more natural if you use "build", "develop", or "improve" with the word "relationship". Actually, I don't really know why this is the case. I just never see anyone or any sentence uses "increase the relationship". I guess that because "increase" means to make something become larger in amount or size but no one uses " a large relationship" or "a small relationship", so maybe that's why it's wrong to use "increase mutual relationships".

I hope this helps. Keep up your good work.