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The percentage of first-year teachers with regular teaching jobs by year of graduation in Ontario


Fadhilahumar91 61 / 73 6  
Aug 30, 2016   #1
The chart gives information about the percentage of fresh graduate who recruited as English language teachers and French language teachers in Ontario from 2001 to 2007. Overall, although, both of them started in the almost same level, but it was present different trends. English educator showed downward trend and other presented fluctuation drift.

During 2001 to 2008, the percentage of English teacher experienced deep by 30 percent. Also other went up and went down from 52 percent to 60 percent. The next, presented the same movement between 2003 and 2005. Start from 2005 both of them showed the opposite movement. The percentage of English teacher was decreased dramatically of 25 percent in 2007 and other was slightly increase of 75 in the same year.

According to over the period, the proportion of English teacher fell by 45 percent. On the other hand other showed the same percentage of fresh graduated educator in French language.




ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Aug 30, 2016   #2
Hi Fadhila,

Here's my contribution towards your essay. I hope you can follow through.

1st paragraph:
- The chart gives the information about the percentage of fresh graduate students who are recruited as English language teachers...
- Overall, it can be seen that, although both of them started in the almostvirtually the same level, but it was presentdisplayed different trends.

- English educators aspect showed a downward trend and other presented considerable, large, marked, sharp, violent, wide, wild | local, minor | rapid | short-term | cyclical, periodic, regular, seasonal fluctuation. drift.(inappropriate collocation, I've showed you some of the words that can collocate with "fluctuation)

I have no idea why it seems so difficult to remind people to write at least three sentences for a paragraph in IELTS essay. The idea is to have you present complete thought and understanding about the chart that you were provided. So, the following paragraph still need work:

- According to... (1st sentence)
- On the other hand,... (2nd sentence)
- In addition,... (3rd sentence)

Hope this helps :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Aug 30, 2016   #3
The chart gives information about the percentage of fresh graduate who recruited ...

It is a good opening sentence, but you'd better present this with a passive form.
Let me give a try:
A clear comparison of the number of graduated students recruited as English and French language teachers in Ontario from 2001 to 2007, a 6-year period is presented in the line graph. The data is measured in percentage.

Overall, although, both of them started in the almost same level, but ...

You need to polish this to gain better language.
Overall, there was significant differences in the number of teachers recruited in the initial year. A marked change was seen in the figure for English-language teachers showing a considerable decline in the end of the period. The converse would be true for the bracket for French-language ones.

a heap of luck :D
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Aug 30, 2016   #4
Miss Dhyla, please you avoid repetition in your writing. Besides that, it is essential that make you sure what you mind is what you write. You are supposed to review more times before you upload that.

Keep spirit.
GOOD LUCK.
^_^


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