IELTS WRITING TASK 1: the percentage of fresh graduate educators being required to teach two foreign

The graph reveals information about the percentage of fresh graduate educators being required to teach two foreign languages in Ontario. It shows the trend over a six-year period, from 2001 to 2007. Overall, it can be seen that English language teachers had downward trend during these times. In contrast, there was an upward trend of French language teachers.

The most significant fact to emerge this graph was the similar number of those who teach English and French in 2001, just above 70% and 70%, respectively. Over the next two years, English teachers decreased dramatically by almost 32 %. French teachers, on the other hand, went down at 52%, and up at 68 %.

Between 2003 and 2004, English and French teachers increased steadily, but French educators being hired still higher than English educators. In the last two years, English teachers dipped to 28 % while the percentage of French-language teachers suddenly decreased by 1% before it reached peak at 72%.

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The most significant fact to emerge this graph [...] went down at 52%, and up at 68 %.
The second body paragraph lacks language comparisons. Therefore, You need to rewrite them all. Let me give you an example
As seen, the number of teachers of both languages showed more or less a 70% success rate in finding their jobs. Compared to the bracket of English teachers, the group of French ones were more successful. Virtually 50% of the recruitment for French teachers dropped, but this percentage recovered to approximately 70% in the following year. This contrasted to the figure for English teachers presenting a marked decline between above 70% and 40% over the period in question. There was a decrease of about 30% in 2 years.

Hope this helps :D
a heap of luck

...fresh graduate educators beingrequiredrecruited to teach two foreign ...

there was an slight upward trend of ...

just above 70% and 70%

a number of English teachers decreased dramatically

the proportion of French teachers, on the other...

data of English and French teachers increased steadily

English teachersjobs to teach English language dipped to 28 %