The graph below shows the percentage of population in cities since 1970s with projection to 2030.
The given line chart compares the proportion of people living in cities in 4 countries, namely USA, Korea, China and India, from 1970 to the prediction in 2030.
Overall, the city population in all nations was on an increase and continuously was predicted to grow up till the end of the period. It also can be seen that the USA and Korea had a greater percentage of city residents compared to China and India.
In 1970, the figure for cities population rate in the USA and Korea was 70% and 40% respectively, which was much higher than that of China and India with the same rate at 20%. After 20 years, the USA, Korea and India saw an increase in the percentage of people who live in cities to over 80%, over 70% and 30% respectively, while China still remained at 20%.
In the rest of this period, the percentage of Koreans living in cities dramatically rose to nearly 90% in 2020 and was predicted to be the same as that of Americans in 2030. The cities population ratio in China also experienced a significant increase to nearly 70% in 2030, while that in India just slightly rose and was a half of China at nearly 40%.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15461 A clear summary overview will depend upon the number of sentences used to enumerate the graph information. That means the use of individual sentences to indicate each bit of information will score much better in terms of C+C and GRA than a single sentence composed of 3 information presentations. Rather than scoring up, it will result in a score down due to run-on sentence structuring and lack of clear idea presentation.
Incorrect tense usage will also prove to be a score reducing factor in the GRA and C+C section since the end depiction for the trending presentation depends on a future rather than past projection. The final measurement basis is in 2030. It should use a future year prediction format.
The consistent use of run - on sentences, 2 sentences per paragraph, and limited use of punctuation marks will further reduce the scores in each related section. A proper paragraph has 3-5 sentences present within it.
While the writer did his best to compare the information, this was not done to the extent that actual analytical comparisons were done. He only repeated information as seen without analysis.
I am afraid this is a poorly developed essay that might not receive a passing score.
"was on an increase and continuously was predicted to grow" in the second paragraph should be rewritten short and simple. It also had the redundancy fault while having the same meaning word: increase and grow up in the same sentences. It could be rewrite as "Overall, the city population globally was predicted to increase continuously till the end of the period". By reducing the flappy words, your C+C will more direct.
In the third paragraph, the writer just mention the statistics without any analysis. Besides, the writer should enlarge the number of sentence in each paragraph to 3 or 4 sentences to fulfill the mark cretiria of the examiner.
- You use some words many time.
+ increase : rise / a rise, climb/ a climb, grow/ a growth, rocket to.
- "was on an increase and continuously was predicted to grow" : this sentence is vague and difficult to understand. You should delete the word continuously.
- paragraph 3 should contain some comparison, not just mentioning.
