Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


A perception of several people, that building new libraries is impractical and just waste money.


Pramudia27 34 / 54 2  
Nov 20, 2016   #1
Some people think it is waste of money to establish library since the public can use the internet at home to obtain information. Do you agree or disagree?

reading traditional books today



Developing technology lead people to utilise the internet to get the information and this reason bring about perception for several people that building new libraries is usefulness and just waste money. Personally, I disagree with this notion owing to the fact that spending much time to read some information on screen bring about worst impact for healthy eyes. Furthermore, not all part of this country, the internet can be used easily.

First of all, developing knowledge by reading book directly gives more constructive effect than reading book on screen. The most important in this case is healthy eyes. Based on research in USA about 78% myopia suffers comes from the internet addiction, and just very little proportion that get this illness by reading book directly. Despite this, book lovers will say that if establishing libraries is usefulness, newspaper company should be closed too.

On the other hand, the internet cannot be accessed by all of district in world wide in as much as signal cannot through all of areas. Syukron, researcher form Egypt, say that about 42% area in this universe that cannot be reached the signal. Another reason why is not the best information source is many worse information in the internet or can be called as invalid info form unknown blog.

All in all, reading books directly give benefit effect for readers. It is reason why establishing library is not worse activities. Furthermore, the internet can not be access in all of part in the world and also not all information from the internet can be trusted.
akbarmappiare 31 / 468 275  
Nov 20, 2016   #2
Hi Miss Pramudia..
I have read your essay closely and focused on your contents, not the grammar. Please, you review my notes because it can help you to reach the high score.

Firstly, you successfully paraphrased the statement well because I can get the same meaning. However,for a thesis statement, you created it so much.

Personally, I disagree with this notion ...

I really agree if you explained your reasons why you disagree with the statement, but you can minimize your reasons and did not seem detailed. For example:

I firmly disagree with that state since reading on the screen can impact health and not all people can access the Internet.

The most important in this case is healthy eyes.

Actually, you have answered the prompt given, but your flow should be improved better. You reread your sentence before you upload to check your flow so that readers do not pause when they review this.

Its reason is because using the screen to read can brings negative effect for eyes.

Another reason why is not the best information source is many worse ...

You should also mention this effect in the thesis statement so that you show your mind totally there. It can make readers think you include the new opinion.

All in all, reading books directly give benefit effect for readers.

keep in your mind the conclusion is the paraphrase of the thesis statement.

Keep Writing
GOOD LUCK
ifraanisa05 44 / 70 6  
Nov 28, 2016   #3
Hi Pram! i will focus on your grammar, may it help

this reason bringbringsabouttheperception for (...) new libraries is usefulnessuseful and just wastewasting money.

... on screen bring about the worst impact ...
superlative must include article'the'

The most important (....) missing noun in this case ...

Based on research in the USA about 78% (...) proportion that getgets this illness by ...

... if establishing libraries isare usefulness, newspaper ...

Syukron, researcher formfrom Egypt, say that about ...

It is the reason why ...

... internet can not be accessaccessed in all of part in ...

subject verb agreement pram
keep writing!
Bams17 28 / 43  
Nov 29, 2016   #4
Developing technology lead people to utilise the internet to...

this sentence contains several problems
1. confusing sentence because without punctuation
2. contains more than 2 verb in one sentence ( s + verb agreement) developing technology leads tu utillise/ to get/ after conjunction and i think that you explain the similar point before and after and.

3. the sentence is too long.

... spending much time to read some information on screen bring about worst ... (double verb again).

advice.
1. remember and pay attention about s+v agreement
2. punctuation
3. sentence form
4. control grammar
5. revise and learn again miss...

good job!


Home / Writing Feedback / A perception of several people, that building new libraries is impractical and just waste money.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳