Some people think it is a waste of money to establish libraries since the public can use the Internet at home to obtain information, do you agree or disagree?
people choose libraries to find information
There is an opinion that starting to build a library is a throwing of money since the citizen can use the internet to find information anything they want. I really disagree with the opinion because not all data from the internet are valid. However, statistical result shows that many people still place the library as the first place to find reference.
Anyone can connect to the internet, and we can search anything that we want from the internet. However, the information from the internet sometimes is not valid because anyone can provide information without being proved. Research conducted by Ms. Urara Shiraishi from Tokyo University gives the result that almost 72 percent web sites except journal website provides the wrong information about the earth (used to be a controlled variable). This is the evidence that we cannot use the internet as our "first reference."
Although to build library costs a lot of money, in fact, since 2000, the number of visitor searching a book a valid journal has increased so far according to the research conducted by Mr. James Goods from Leeds University. He mentioned that there is no point to tell that making libraries is just spending the budget. He also stated that in the future, all academic source should be cited from library. So this is non-sense to tell that establishing libraries are wasting a money.
All in all, I believe that we cannot find a perfect reference from internet. Because of its prospect, making libraries can be acceptable because people, now, tend to choose library to find any information as their reference.
(265 Words)Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Ivan, you should have worked a little bit more on the presentation of your personal opinion on the topic. Your line of reasoning is too limited and does not really offer a more in-depth understanding of your belief behind the reason why libraries will eventually make a comeback and surpass the internet in popularity. Keep in mind that your layman's reasoning is the most important aspect of this essay discussion. That is because the prompt actually requires you to present a fully threshed out discussion of your opinion in the essay.
In this case, you have academic discussions fully developed while your personal discussion has left the reader wanting to learn more about the idea that you presented. That is all you have presented right now, an idea. It doesn't really properly support your discussion and as such, can actually pull your final score down in an actual test. Always remember to fully discuss your personal opinion whenever it is required by the essay prompt.
In fact, you need not present any other academic resource for your discussion in those instances. Or if you feel the need to present a supporting professional opinion, make it a quick paragraph before your own opinion. You should always highlight your own thoughts on the matter being discussed. Just focus on your personal opinion and the essay will really gain a higher score because of it.
Hi Mister Ivan.
I have read your essay closely. In this moment, I focus on your contents. Hopefully, you can review my notes so that in the next term you can improve your essay.Turning to the introduction, I have understood to paraphrase the statement. I have got the same meaning with the original statement. Besides that, you can show your position clearly in the thesis statement. However, be careful of using linking words. You are supposed to pick up the proper linking words.However, statistical result shows that many people still place the library ...
This statement actually has not contrast with the previous sentence so that you should write "besides that" or other linking words which state that is the same way.Although to build library costs ...
Actually, your second paragraph could answer the prompts, but you did not mention in the thesis. I think you are gonna tend to explain about the Internet. It is better if you mentioned your opinion totally in the thesis statement.All in all, I believe that we cannot find ...
Keep in your mind the conclusion is the paraphrase of the thesis statement so that you should show your position once more to emphasize.Note: Apart from that, you should read more examples of the writing task 2 to find the sense of essay. Honestly, your flow still needs improvement because readers sometimes pause to understand your sentence.
overall, it is a good essay
Keep Writing
GOOD LUCK Hello, let me give my correction for you
However, the statistical result shows (...) place to find the reference (because need article "the" in this sentence)
almost 72 percent websites (plural form) except journal website providesprovide(because the websites is plural noun so use verb "provide". provides is singular verb for singular noun too)
should be cited from the library (need article "the" in this sentence)
... can be acceptable because of people (need preposition "of")
now, tend to choose the library (need article "the" in this sentence)
I think it would be really interesting to include current events into this. For example, I know that a lot of the Barnes and Nobles are closing down because they're business is not doing great due to many people using ebooks.
Also, I think you should add more about what your perspective on this issue is. I feel like you talk about Urara Shiraishi and Mr. James Good more and then just wrote one sentence at the end about you. But all in all great job. I loved it!
