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WRITING TASK 2 - should phones be forbidden for youngsters during the school time?

xuming 1 / -  
Nov 5, 2021   #1
Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day.
Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

A school of host hold that phones should be forbidden from youngsters during the school time. Yet, others argue that they should be eligible to use it. While both viewpoints are justifiably, personally I lean towards to the former.

On the one hand, as claimed by a plethora of proponents in favor of freedom, children should have the liberty to make use of electronic devices, and justifiably so. First and foremost, phones has become the most optimal educational tool which provides unlimited range of knowledge and information. Thanks to the advancement of devices and the ever availability of the Internet these days, which offers an abundance freely accessible resources in enormous fields such as sciences, mathematics, technology, humanity, etc. Furthermore, students can also use their phone for recreation as socializing or playing games with their peers in break time, which can work wonders for their mental health after stressful lessons.

On the other hand, I would argue that the use of mobile phones do more harm than good and schools should restrict it. Letting the young to use the phones in class could take a heavy toll on their performances. In other words, without any restrictions, they are more inclined to get addicted to phones; hence, their productivity can be adversely affected since they get distracted and neglect on their studies. This means instead of engaging in physical activities during the break time, students are gravitated towards video games, which results in exerting several consequences on their well-beings, both physically and mentally. This is a testament of an uptick in problematic behavior in academic environment.

To conclude, although there are humongous benefits derived from mobile phones, I am convinced that it is better to limits the use of it.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,000 3875  
Nov 6, 2021   #2
A school of host

A school of thought. Do not use English expressions unless you are sure you are properly presenting it. This error marks down 2 clarity scoring sections at once.

I lean towards to the former.

Why? Describe your reasoning topic to provide your thesis statement.

On the other hand, I would argue

No. You cannot argue or present your opinion yet. The opposing public opinion must be explained first. As that discussion topic is missing, the essay will be scored on 2 out of 3 topic discussions. That is because the student opted to use the 3 reasoning paragraph discussion. The essay is now, under developed and lacking in discussion development for the public openon aspect.

The conclusion is a failure as well since it is less than 40 words/2 sentences.
Hossaina007 - / 2  
Nov 6, 2021   #3
In the opinion Essays, you have to provide a conclusive statement. Therefore, I would recommend shortening your Body paragraphs and work more on your Conclusion
Emperor Penguin 3 / 9  
Nov 9, 2021   #4
In the conclusion you made a grammatical mistake. 'It is better to limit', not 'to limits'.

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