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Physical education should be an vital part of the school curriculum


trinhthi 1 / -  
Sep 4, 2018   #1

TOPIC SPORTS AND EDUCATION



Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion.

It would be argued by some that sport should only be an optional subject at school. In my opinion, however, physical education should be an vital part of the school curriculum as not only does it enhance the pupil's well-being but also it promotes the importance of the exercises as a healthy way of living later in life.

On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why some believe that sport should be a subject of choice. Firstly, some people feel that sport uses up lots of time which could be better spent on academic subjects such as exam preparation. Secondly, it might be unwise to force children to do activities that they have no interest in. After all, this will be a waste of time with those students, they are just not sporty and should be allowed to study instead. Finally, due to extreme competition and pressure that youngsters have to face in school, some people believe considering sport as a major subject will make their kids get distracted and exhausted.

On the other hand, I would argue that physical education is of fundamental importance to students. Through fitness students learn self-discipline and build self-confidence while maintaining a healthy body in a healthy mind. If all their time was spent studying, they would become unfit and their mind would eventually suffer. In addition, sports emphasize the importance of team building, which is a necessary skill for adulthood. Finally, many people feel that a competitive spirit, so important today, is fostered by sport at an early age. It is noticeable, for example, that many successful business people excelled in sport at school.

Aury23 1 / 2 1  
Sep 4, 2018   #2
Hey!
I assume you are answering an IELTS writing section question. Your answer has the right structure, in your first paragraph, you described the subject and your opinion. On the other two paragraphs, you could begin one with "It is popularly believed that..." and then start your second one with "On the other hand", the more expressions you use in IELTS, the better!

Also, consider having a closing paragraph to summarise and paraphrase your opinion. Good luck.
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,303 1841  
Sep 4, 2018   #3
Trinh, you have not written the essay as per the prompt requirements. Based on the instructions you were provided, this was to be a 5 paragraph essay covering the following aspects:

1. Proper prompt restatement
2. Public POV 1
3. Public POV 2
4. Personal Opinion
5. Concluding summary

Your prompt restatement only paraphrases one of the 2 points of view and then discusses your personal opinion as a run on sentence. Definitely not the right way to approach this essay. The prompt restatement must acknowledge the presence of 2 opinions along with the discussion instructions:

There is an ongoing discussion as to the relevance of sports in the education of children. Some people believe that sports must be taught as an important part of the educational development of children. While others believe that sports is not too important as a subject and the children should have the option not to take it as a class or subject. The analysis of both points of view shall be the basis for my personal opinion in this discussion.

One of the main reasons why this essay will fail is because your response is only partial in representation. Out of the 3 discussion instructions, you only discussed 2 themes in your essay. That of the non-supporting side and your personal opinion. So there was an error in the analysis of the discussion and its representation in the paragraphs.

Next, you are arguing your personal opinion when you should merely be discussing it. Word choice is important. You need to know what to argue and when to discuss. The essay prompt actually supplies you with the instructions for that if you read it carefully. Your paragraphs show simple sentences that support your explanation. However, your explanation is lacking in development and often shows that each idea you present is not really fully discussed or explained in the paragraph. This will lower the C&C as well as GRA scores for your presentation. Don't keep jumping around between several reasons. Focus on developing 2 related reasons at the most in every paragraph.

Now, your essay does not have a concluding paragraph so this will be considered to be an open ended essay and result in a low TA and GRA score. You need to make sure that all the requirements of the TA are met, specially the concluding summary at the end in order to properly end the essay and supply you with a proper concluding paragraph.

This is not a very good Task 2 essay. It has several problems in it that will result in a less than passing score. I hope that you will be able to improve, using the above suggestions, in your next practice test. Don't give up. With our help, you can only get better from hereon :-)


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