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A Picnic I enjoyed; it was marvellous to leave the grey building of a city behind

ayreen akrami 1 / -  
Dec 11, 2012   #1

Descriptive Essay - Living on a Farm

last year we went on a picnic to a farm. it was marvelous to leave the grey building of a city behind and see animals grazing in the lovely green fields. seeing animals in a field is a real novelty to many city children. The only animals we usually seen are pet such as cats and dogs.

When we arrived at farm we welcomed by the farmer's wife. Who took us all into the huge farm kitchen and gave us some delicious scones which she had just baked. The honey which we had with scones had been taken from their own beehives.

We watched the farmer's wife feeding the hen's in the farmyard by throwing hand full of grains at them. They rushed to get the food, clucking loudly. we went to watch the farmer but the farmer went up the hill behind the farm to take some of sheep to a field nearer the farm. they were going to be sheared next day. We watched his two sheepdogs round the sheep. They were cleverand soon had sheep down in the field.

All too soon it was time to go home again. We all had a really marvelous day at farm. I wished to live on a farm

Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Mar 20, 2017   #2
Ayreen, when you write a descriptive essay, the first thing you have to learn to do is accurately describe your surroundings. Tell the reader more about the way that the farm looked when you arrived. Take the reader into the place with you. Make your descriptions more vivid by engaging the five senses of the reader. For example you could have described the farm as:

I knew we were nearing the farm because the smell of the air was changing from the polluted, smog filled air of the city to the dewy, fresh scent that the morning dew on the roadside grass offered those who, like us, traveled with open windows in the car. The sound of clucking chickens and cows mooing seemed to get closer as we moved deeper into the tree lined rough road.

You also need to double check your grammar and sentence development. Note that you wrote most of this essay in lower case letters even after a period. The first letter of a word after a period is always capitalized to indicate a new sentence.

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