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IELTS TASK 1: The pictures show the conventional manufactured chocolate production.

sznnis25 2 / 1  
Oct 19, 2018   #1
Hi good people! I need your feedback in term of writing task 1 (task achievement, lexical resources, cohesion and coherence, grammatical and accuracy)


Question: The illustration shows how chocolate is produced. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pictures show the conventional manufactured chocolate production. Overall, there are 10 stages linear process in total, and it is a man-made with cacao trees being grown in several countries as the beginning and liquid chocolate produced by pressing the inner part as the ending.

At first, the process starts with cacao trees being grown in places such as South America, Africa, and Indonesia. The pods are ready to be harvested when these are ripe. After being harvested, the white cocoa beans are removed from the pods to be fermented. The fermented beans, then, are exposed to the sun for a certain period of time. These beans are packed in large sacks after being dried.

Transporting the sacks by trains or lorries is the next step in the production for them to be taken to the factories. In this place, the beans are roasted before being crushed and the outer shells being removed. The chocolate production ends with pressing the inner part to produce the liquid chocolate.

Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Oct 19, 2018   #2
While you did write more than the minimum 150 word count, a task 1 essay always scores best when it is presented in a 3-5 sentence presentation covering 4 paragraphs. That is because the 4 paragraph format gives the impression of a well analyzed report rather than a hurried report as you have presented. In your rush to simply get the essay over with, you misanalysed certain points such as:

1. This is a 2 stage process composed of 5 steps each. It is not a 10 stage process.
2. You neglected to inform the reader that the color of the ripe Cocoa is actually brown and when cut open, the beans are white.
3. You did not realize that the white coating is not the bean itself, the beans are the interior part after the white paste is removed.

Since this is a 2 part analysis, you should have had a transition paragraph in between the two procedures or, you should have at least presented a transition sentence after you said the beans are loaded onto trucks. Your paragraphs are under the 3 sentence minimum requirement most of the time so it further becomes obvious that you are not really fully analyzing the illustration you were given. BTW, this is not a picture, it is an illustration. The term was even used in the instructions.

You are lacking a summary overview for this essay. The summary overview would have looked like this:

The provided illustration signifies the 2 stage process of creating chocolates. The first process is man-made while the second process requires the use of machines. The beans that are used for this analysis come from South Africa, America, and Indonesia. The details of the chocolate making process will be presented for the information of the reader in this essay.

After that, you can get into the nitty gritty of the analysis of the information presented. Since this is your first time writing the Task 1 essay, I will offer you a pass and let you know that though this essay could be better, you show true potential in writing procedural essays. I do not doubt that you will show improvement with your next procedural essay once you apply the information I have shared with you in your writing of the next essay.

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