The pie chart presented the plus points and problems the most general categories of Fairmont islands based on survey to the visitors. The most obvious places of information were that good accommodation and food quality in the current survey.
In the category the things that people liked about the people, the scenery, good accommodation and also culture. Good accommodation witnessed the largest number at forty percent; while another category was culture experiencing three percent lower than it. Next, 12 witnessed by the scenery and minimum number was the people at 11%
Some categories for problems were weather, high cost of living, entertainment and food quality. Food quality described then the largest percentage among other categories in forty five percent. There was weather in the second position with 30%, while almost a half number of food quality placed by entertainment field. Then entertainment stood at the last category below ten percent.
You have to use high academic words
It's not a problem to use word such as good but there are many words have the same meaning
Also if you want to get a high score try to avoid writing the same words more than once,because this can harm your score like catagories you mentioned it more than thred times while you can use figures,amounts,ratio,kinds,types,sorts ...etc
Also the unity disappeared between the paragraphs
Try to use conjunction and connectors
Like (first, secondly, all in all ,in addition, beside, however, furthermore,from another side , one advantage of that , one disadvantage of that , on my way of conclusion, on the top of that )
This is whatI think that your report missed so don't forget to remember it and enhance your vocabulary if ou want to get high score inIELTS Writing
I recommend you to read the writing section on IELTS EBUDDY.
It's very helpful
Best of luck