Plethora numbers of criminal activities - causes of crime rate and effort to prevent them

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

poverty and unemployment the main cause of the crime rise?

Daily newspaper headlines publish a plethora numbers of criminal on many kinds of offenses. I believe this account is caused by the condition of civilians trapped in poverty and as many as unemployment recorded. Therefore, to deal with this case, government should aid poor societies and should open job opportunity to employ them.

Persons who are miserable are likely to commit a crime. Since their conditions sometimes force them to fulfill their needs instantly. They frequently get confused to make a living and chances to offend often widened-open. For instance, a beggar who begs on the bus and looks on a standing-man's pocket suddenly pick a man's item in a chance. The same happens to idleness persons, who give up looking for a job and transforming to be a gangster member. To satisfy their necessity, they often commit a crime such as mugging, knife crime, pocket picking, and valuable theft.

To prevent a crime rate happening in daily life, government should take quick actions. Authority is able to give help to the poor by supporting capital to assist them launching enterprise. This will guide poor individuals for getting daily revenue. For jobless societies, government should collaborate with such corporations/companies to hire employees, especially those who are unemployed. They will be trained to improve their work capacity as well as skilled workers.

To sum up, criminal activity is able to cut down when we meet with the solutions of causations. We should take a lot of concern, mainly on human development work either skill or ability to make money. Since offenses frequently connect to low financial and hard economy condition, leading low class to commit illegal actions. (276 words)

Nur, I would like to call your attention to a number of problems in your essay which resulted in my considering this particular written exercise a 4. It all stems from the way that you developed the essay and the grammar problems that you have in the sentences that you developed.

For starters, pay attention to the prompt requirements that you were given. You know what you are supposed to do with the prompts provided right? The expectation is that you will deliver a paraphrased version of these discussions and instructions within your opening statement. Instead of doing that, you immediately launched into a discussion of the topic instead. You began offering information and lengthy considerations in the opening statement rather than just presenting the required elements. The required elements are a paraphrased prompt, the paraphrased discussion instructions, and an indication of how these elements are to be discussed in the essay.

You need to work on your sentence structure and development. In the opening statement, the correct presentation would have been "plethora OF numbers". Practice using connector words in order to create a logical statement. I know that you did your best to develop complex sentences. However, you did not successfully progress beyond the problematic basic sentences because of the missing connector words and the improper use of terms (idleness persons should have been "idle persons").

Finally, the concluding statement should never have additional information, specially in the notable number that you presented in your conclusion. It is impossible to develop a proper explanation for new ideas at that point, which is why it is advised that the writer not do that in the concluding statement. Rather, a quick wrap up of the discussion is preferred.

@yuukinohan4
Sorry to say but your essay lacks structure and also there are a lot of grammatical errors. It also doesn't give specific Ans to the outlined question.

I would advice u research well enough
You could probably add statistics of crime rate increase in your country or world basis with example of the most common crimes including it in your strong introduction and not just only the amount of newspapers with the headlines.

Then you could talk about the causes breaking them down and what could be done listing them in accordance with answers to each causes already given

Hope this helps

@yuukinohan4
Hi! I am learning IELTS too. Therefore, I give you some advice. Firstly, the cause of crime. Nowadays, when the world has been developing, also there are some drawbacks which are appearing and having a bad effect on our life.People think that security is not important is the firt cause. for example, they are comfortably wear the bag or inside them ther are so much money without wondering.

What so we should do in that situation? we should give them a advice. Secondly , maybe bad well being make poor people become thief. they do not have engough money to live so they have to steel, we should improve stand of life. Or maybe because there are somany people who are lazy they do not want to work but they want have a good life ,they become thief. therefore we have to force them with strong law.