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IELTS : Police force carries guns - significant impact for level of violence


thanhphongct1 5 / 18 2  
Jun 9, 2014   #1
Topic : Some people believe that if a police force carries guns, this encourages higher level of violence in that society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The increasing number of street criminals leading to carrying guns in police force has become one of the most significant issues that many people of today's society are very concerned for. Few individuals assume that this trend reflects and enhances the high level of violence in society. I totally agree with this viewpoint for some specific reasons which would be given and analyzed in the following paragraphs.

First of all, we need to consider that police armed with guns or any other kinds of legal weapons just attempts to protect not only civilians but also himself. As a result, criminals todays are very sophisticated so they spend a large amount of money to acquire modern weapons to cope with the police and serve their own nefarious needs. Thus, citizens in that society can be shot by both police and offenders accidentally. Moreover, while on duty, not only are private citizens affected but facilities such as cars, houses, streets are likely to be destroyed by guns. Therefore, a society that its police force carries guns will be definitely seen as a highly violent one.

Secondly, police force carries guns only in high crime societies . Hence, people and police in those ones usually deal with dangerous diverse crime's categories such as theft, robbery, murder, rape, vandalism, arson. Obviously, Those are possibly the strongest evidences to determine a society suffering a high level of violence.

In conclusion, from the above views, although being armed with guns in the police force is necessary , it will bring the higher level of violence. Additionally, the government should to impose strict laws in carrying weapons as well as give professional training to them in order to avoid any influence on civilians' lives. (288)

i dislike writing topics abt crime 'cause it takes so long to list out the appropriate ideas, i write this within 45 minutes, can you guys review it and give me any better sentences to replace mine, welcome all comments

any alternatives for " high level of violence " i used it so many times in this essay .

fikri 5 / 317 71  
Jun 10, 2014   #2
when you write an essay which shows contrast, you should put some contrast signal,
for example, in the second paragraph you may start by word 'to begin with' then, next paragraph will be started by 'on the other hand' / 'however'
MiaCuthbert 7 / 25 2  
Jun 18, 2014   #3
Hey, my friend's score was diminished just because she used the word " nowadays " in her essay. My native teacher suggested that you should use "today" instead of "nowadays". The truth is that native teachers don't like such word. Dear :)
MiaCuthbert 7 / 25 2  
Jun 18, 2014   #4
Additionally, the government should to impose strict laws in carrying weapons as well as give professional training to them in order to avoid any influence on civilians' lives.

I think you should add some specific supportive ideas to the 2nd paragraph so you can gain mark for Essay Structure criteria :)
By the way, the topic sentence of the 1st body paragraph is NOT correlate with your opinion. what I mean here is that, it is NOT one of the reasons why police should not carry guns.

Any way, your ideas are good. Honestly, I had no ideas how to make a plan for this essay when I read it on the Internet :D
reza10977 6 / 11  
Jun 19, 2014   #5
I dislike instead of i dislike
SalMon 27 / 113 10  
Jun 19, 2014   #6
I recommend you next time pay attention to big mistakes and help suggest as much as possible, this is just a typo.


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