Poor countries are helped by young people from wealthy nations.

Topic: More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why ? Who benefit more from this, the community or these young people? (write approximately 300 words)

voluntary activities in poorer countries

In certain industrialized nations, it is commonplace for youngsters to support underdeveloped countries by doing some unsalaried work in a limited amount of time. This trend has resulted from many reasons and these communities gain more benefits than teenagers from these voluntary activities.

There are some reasons for which under-privileged nations are supported by other countries' teenagers. Firstly, it is much easier for prosperous countries to help poor nations in many aspects such as technology and health. For instance, some Africans have to encounter with some contagious diseases which are curable in America or European nations. Therefore, young people can provide African countries with some vaccinations but they can help thousand of people survive. Another reason is youngsters can accumulate new knowledge. While giving homeless people a hand, young people can have a deeper insight into new lifestyles or different cultures. Lastly, by doing voluntary service, students can gain experience and become more mature. These lessons learned in other areas can make them more independent and successful in their future profession.

Even though teenagers can be benefited by helping disadvantaged people in other places, there are more advantages for these communities in many ways. These under-privileged countries can draw many lessons from wealthy nations. Some useful advice and updated methods can help local citizens to overcome obstacles. Besides, poor areas can also be supported by financial aid and therefore, the lifestyle can be promoted. For example, some tips and financial support can be spent on upgrading education or healthcare system. Underdeveloped countries can pursue guided ways to settle the issues, ranging from starvation and illiteracy to infectious diseases. It is obvious that some national problems can be addressed by the small help of international organizations.

In conclusion, young generations have a tendency to travel to nations where services are so insufficient and locals have to contend with severe problems due to a variety of reasons. Despite many benefits gained by youngsters, I believe that these communities which are supported by foreigners will certainly gain much more profits.

Tung, when the instruction says "approximately" that means you have to write up to the number of words indicated. You cannot write less, you cannot write more. So your essay is over the proper approximate by 37 words. It is always best to write the exact number of words required or suggested because this count fits directly within the time frame given to you for the development of the essay. In this instance, your excess words took away time that could have been used for the proper editing and finalization of your paper. While you did write too many words, I will say that you appropriately discussed and developed your statements in the essay. However, your opening paraphrase has a slight problem because it contains a small inaccuracy in its presentation. You should have indicated the actual topic for discussion in it which is whether the teenager or the community actually benefits from the free work that the teenager does in the country. A sample presentation of that portion of the essay would be:

... doing some unsalaried work in a limited amount of time. This activity has raised some questions as to whether the community or the teenager actually benefits from the free work being done. This essay will examine the two sides of the discussion and make an assumption regarding who truly benefits from this practice.

You have to make an assumption regarding who benefits because that is not made clear in the prompt requirements. The reason that you are to say "assumption" is because you are not allowed to discuss facts and related information within the opening statement. The opening statement serves only as an introduction to the topic for discussion, it is not meant to begin the discussion of the essay. This is a standard requirement because a completely developed thought process and presentation cannot be done within a single paragraph that is already discussing specific required elements. The thought process and defense that you want to present is separate and goes into the body paragraphs instead. The first paragraph is simply for the required paraphrasing elements. The paraphrased portion is the part of the essay where the examiner can assess your English comprehension skills and ability to follow English instructions.