The population of young adults has been far higher than that of elderly people in some countries

the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults

In recent years, the population of young adults has been far higher than that of elderly people in some countries. This trend may be advantageous to some extent, but I am of the opinion that its drawbacks are eclipsed by its benefits.

On the one hand, an increasing young population and a falling old one contribute to national economic development. In fact, young people tend to acquire knowledge in a quicker way than the elderly. Therefore, the country will have a well-educated prospective workforce in the near future, leading to economic growth. Furthermore, there are several social welfare expenses for the elderly. These could include pension and healthcare services. With a decreasing old population, the government can save a large amount of money; therefore, it can invest their budget in some more urgent aspects of life involving education, infrastructure, poverty, and so on.

On the other hand, I believe that this phenomenon possesses more demerits than merits. Firstly, the large number of young people may result in job losses. As the labor market is becoming increasingly competitive, it is undoubtedly difficult for young job seekers to find a high-paying job. Consider Vietnam, where many university graduates are unable to find work despite holding excellent bachelor's degrees. Second, while young people are apprehensive, the older generation has more work experience. They seem to be more dominant than the young when it comes to complicated cases. Too many young workers in a company can lead to unproductivity.

In conclusion, in spite of some advantages, I argue that this trend comprises more disadvantages associated with employment loss and companies' unproductivity.

There is a redundancy existing in your opinion statement. The double presentation of your openion in a single sentence led to a confusing idea presentation. The fust half of the sentence is already clear and only required the short reasoning topics to support it. The last half of the statement was the correct response but it was lacking the summarized reasons presentation. So, even though the restatement is accurate, the paragraph will still receive demerits in terms of accuracy, coherence, and word usage because of o presentation confusion..

Now, scoring is only applied to relevant paragraphs. Your first reasoning presentation does not qualify for scoring. This presentation contradicts your previously stated point of view. The examiner expects to read 2 supporting reasons in independent paragraphs. What does this mean? You are showing an indecisive opinion, meaning you cannot really support your own opinion as the essay requires. This runs counter to the single opinion support requirement. It will be stricken from consideration and deducted from the word count. It will be an obstacle to passing the teat.

What you should have done was focus on developing the 2 reasons you presented in the second paragraph.These are the 2 independent reasons that should have been developed within 5 sentences per paragraph. Properly explaining these reasons would have resulted in a maximum overall scoring consideration. The concluding summary also does not meet the I sentence, 40 word requirement so it cannot be given a passing mark either.

You understood the topic and discussion requirements. It was the response format that is incorrect. I am sure you will do better next time as you now have a writing guideline to go by.