The possession of car in a proportion of no car, one car, two cars, and more than two cars in Canada
Writing IELTS Task 1 (Diagram) Need Review and Suggestion
Number of cars in the maple leaf country
It is noticeable that the majority of Canadian owns only one car while a little group of them have two or more. Furthermore, almost half of the adult Canadian sum up the group of having no ownership of this type of vehicle and two cars in possession.
The biggest group in this category, a little bit exceed from 50%, is adult in Canada who owns only a car in their garage. In the contrary, the smallest proportion of them or about only 5% possess more than two for their travel needs.
Another group is Canadian with two cars which including about 25%. The last proportion is distribute among them who do not own any of this vehicle. It is less than a quarter or about only 15% of total Canadian adult population.
Your text seems pretty solid to me. The last paragraph is a little bit confusing, you could improve your grammar in the last two sentences:
The last proportion is distributed among those who do not own any vehicles. It is less than a quarter or about 15% of the total adult population in Canada.
The biggest group in this chart, with a little bit over 50%, is adult in Canada who has only one car in their garage. On the contrary, the smallest group with about 5% possess more than two cars for travel needs.
I think this improves the understanding of the paragraph and the essay in itself.
Wahyu, you cannot just rely on the diagram for the explanation in your summary report. That is precisely why your essay does not meet the minimum essay requirements and will most likely end up with a failing score for this essay. For starters, all of your paragraphs are only 1-2 line sentences. You know that the minimum requirement is 3 sentences and yet you did not even try to increase your sentence count in order to meet the minimum word requirement. When you write a summary report essay, you must do more than just list down the information in the chart. You have to make sure that you show the examiner that you understand what the report is all about and that you are capable of explaining it to the reader. This sort of test requires you to do analysis of the diagram and an expansion of the discussion. How you do that is up to you with regards to presentation. What is important is that you deliver in terms of all requirements for the essay. This essay needs more work and you need to learn to read more than just what is presented in the diagrams presented to you. No matter how simple it is, present an analysis of the information provided so that you can score better in the task accuracy and grammatical range and accuracy portion of the essay.
First of all, the words account doesn't meet the 150 words requirement. I think your sentences address the criteria of chart clearly, but the importance of a essay is to compare and summary. You should write the phenomenon you observe from the chart, and try to summary in a independent paragraph.
Indeed, I have to admit that this essay is quite hard owing to the limit information. Because of it, I suggest maybe you can depict the trend of the car ownership in Canada, that will make your article looks more attractive.
Hope it helps!