Question: Some people say that it is possible for a country to be both economically successful and have a clean environment. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Answer:
It is argued that whether a country can have success in the economic as well as responsibility for the environment. In this essay, I will elaborate on both sides of the issue and show some of my opinion.
On the one hand, the economic development can exist with an unpolluted environment. People nowadays are improving their awareness of the ecosystem and many industries are taking several measures to reduce the environmental pollution. They create the systems that filter the waste water or gas, treat rubbish, for example. Additionally, some nations ban the rules for the actions that harming to the surroundings. For instance, in Singapore, anyone who litter or chew gum in public places will immediately be fined. Consequently, even if there is a big event with densely packed with people or a significant increase in the number of tourists, those countries would less worrying about the bad actions to the environment.
On the other hand, there is an argument that it is impossible to keep both economy successful and undestroyed environment. An developed country will always attract many people from other countries come to work and itself also needs a large amount of employee's source. Thus, the government would find it difficult to control the crowded population in many problems, especially the environmental issue. Moreover, to meet the demands and the high standards of living of inhabitants, plenty of companies produce many kinds of different products. As a result, the manufacture industry is nearly overloaded, many overdate food and broken articles are throwing every day.
To conclude, it would be difficult to maintain the economic improvement and the unpolluted ecosystem. However, there are still some ways to improve this situation and I hope the government can introduce more approaches to this concern.
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4783 Your prompt restatement is confusing. You were not able to create a coherent thought presentation in relation to the original topic. The reader will not understand the basis of the discussion. You are also not offering a proper writer's opinion so you will not receive a score for that. Your opinion should clearly support one or the other opinion to help you meet the TA scoring requirements.
The idea behind this discussion is to have you show your knowledge of current events and popular news. That is why you are required to deliver the comparison using third person pronouns in the discussion of the public opinion in comparison to your own. Without it, the essay will not meet all the discussion format / response format requirements. All of the paragraphs seem to come only for your personal point of view and therefore, does not meet the requirements for passing the test.
Hello,
It is true that you should choose one viewpoints to support (because the questions still have this part: give your opinion). You should also avoid using the pronouns I.
Now come to the analysis of the two part you should improve
A. Task response:
1) You have developed the idea quite good, however, you should understand that you must link all the information in the essay together, not list out all information you know. For example: "For instance, in Singapore, anyone who litter or chew gum in public places will immediately be fined." And so what, does this method have any effect on people behavior to make those countries like worry as you say?
2) Next, the prompt is the economic can develop with environment. So the point is that, when you take that action, what is the economic benefit? What you mention is just about the method those countries took to help the environment, but how it benefit the overall health of a country? You should definitely improve on that part.
B. Grammatical Accuracy
I will not talk about minor grammatical error. However, you should aim for a more varied sentence structure. This can enhance the overall quality of your writing and contribute to a higher score in grammatical range and accuracy. For example, in the paragraph discussing economic development attracting people from other countries, there is a tendency to start multiple sentences with "Thus" and "Moreover." This repetition can affect the overall flow and variety of the essay.
