Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life.
When it comes to job selecting, everything becomes sensitive. I do believe that having preferable job is more essential than obtaining high salary, while others object it and consider earn much money will bring to a brighter life.
Regarding well-paid job, people believe it changes their lives become more convenient in two ways. Firstly, good payment enables them to spend a lot of money to cover all of their daily necessities. According to the latest study in India, the number of low-income families undergoes significant increase year by year. As a result, many of them experience starvation and even death. Next, high salary lets the people having high education. These days, the education requires an expensive fee that cause many poor societies cannot afford it. In South Korea, it is noted that the rich people obtained the higher percentage in master degree and doctoral as their latest education, while the poor one just reach senior high school and bachelor degree as their highest education. Therefore, it is proven that high-income jobs will lead the people to a brighter future.
However, in my opinion doing a favorable work is more pivotal than obtaining much money. Feeling enjoy in working will enable the human being have high possibility to gain the happiness, the most important thing in humans' life. Based on recent research, it was found that mostly wealthy people in East Asia, such as Japan and South Korea, committed suicide. It means that much money cannot bring happiness in humans' life. Consequently, having a job that they love is the vocal point for people in order to pursue a better life.
To sum up, despite the merits emerged by high salary jobs, I totally believe that the passion-based work is the most impressive thing that individuals should have in reaching a good life. They have to rethink in selecting their jobs and try to prioritize their happiness.
Nela, I notice clearly your effort to put complex vocabularies in your essay. This will not escape the attention of the examiner. However, please be aware about using some similar words, because somehow it doesn't match the exact meaning of the real one. Now, for a detailed analysis of your grammatical issues and punctuation, see the descriptions below:
- when it comes to job selectingchoosing a job ..
- (new sentence)It is becausewhile others object it and consider earn much money will bringlead to
- Regarding to well-paid job,
- undergoes significant (significant what? dangling sentence) increase year...
- education requires an expensive tuition fee
- rich people obtained .................the poor one just reach(tenses inconsistency)
- However, in my opinion,(comma needed) doing a favorable
- recent research, it was found (recent, should be present perfect)
There you are, I hope you find my feedback is fruitful regarding to your writing enhancement. :)
dear writer,
when you write this below sentence
"When it comes to job selecting, everything becomes sensitive"
I ask myself, my it is so become sensitive? you may make it clear that statment
however, if you believe that "favorable work is more pivotal than obtaining much money" I think you may explain it more.
Thanks :)
your opinion is very well and being seperated regularly each paragraph but you did not reach the point of 250 or above.
