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pikul 23 / 26 3  
Feb 4, 2016   #1
Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation create? What are the possible solutions?

It is hard to be a successful person. As seen, this notion brings a big problem such as stress due to the difficulty to split their time between working and family. However, i believe some viable solutions should be taken to tackle this problem.

Keeping a successful career and having happy family at the same time seems to be impossible since there is a problem preventing this notion such as feeling stressful. Feeling stressful is when people are in the situation such having bad emotional and mentality. This results in people being unstable emotion which can give additional effect like household rift and the decline in the quality of work. A 2012 recent Oxford University study reveals that 80%of divorce cases happened since spouses were likely to have less quality time with their family so as that they felt extremely tired when they were arriving at home.

To tackle this problem, government should make a new regulation to set working hours effectively for people in order to prevent the danger of working for long hours. As a result, they will have enough time to spend with their own family and keep their career in the right path as well. A 2014 recent New York Times poll reveals that there was a decrease in the number of people got depressed and divorce since such a strategy was started by government so as that they can manage their time much more easier.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the main problem of this issue is dealing with stress since the less hours they spend with family due to the high pressure at work. Where possible, possible the government should make a regulation to arrange office hours in order to resolve this problem.

EF_Carol - / 145 39  
Feb 4, 2016   #2
however, I believe some viable solutions...

You need to mention the solutions in your intro. This should probably be the last sentence in the first paragraph.

bad emotionally and mentality...

bad emotions and mental health...

You need to watch your word choices, and make sure they make sense!
Your work is organized well, but this would improve it.

Your conclusion is scattered and not as organized as the rest of your essay. You should repeat all of your ideas from the body paragraphs,

and conclude that way.

A good start! Just revisit your word choices and reorder the first and last paragraph. You need to mention the main ideas of the essay in both the intro and conclusion. This tells the reader where you are going and where you have been.

ef _carol