Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 4

IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - Procedures of Recruitment Flow Chart

roswita116 10 / 24 10  
Nov 3, 2019   #1

organization's staff hiring

The flow chart below illustrates a procedure of organization's staff hiring.

Overall, it is crystal clear that this flow chart contains thirteen different stages which beginning with the drawn-up requirements list and ending up with either applicant successfully obtained a job offer nor received a rejected letter.

To begin with, list of requirements have been drawn up, then the advertisement will be placed in the newspaper. Followed this will be the application form selected, after the application have been completed and returned, it will be opened and assessed by the human resource.

Secondly, the applicants will be either invited to the interview nor rejected by letter. Once interview finished, the applicants will be evaluated into two groups. One is an appropriate applicant and runner-up will be selected as a staff and company will offer the job. The other is an inappropriate applicant will be rejected and refusal letter will be sent to them personally.

ntlinhtran 3 / 8 3  
Nov 5, 2019   #2
Hi, here are some of my suggestion:

The flow chart below
the organization's staff hiring..... a list of requirement........ => remember the article
(it is crystal clear) it is obvious/ it can be seen that. => crystal clear is not wrong, but better not use it. And the sentence is too long, you can put a comma to cut down.

(To begin with) First of all/ Firstly, => You have used "beginning with" in the overall sentence, better choose other words than "to begin with"
... application form selected collected => "Pick up" in this case is "collection". After placing an ad, people will sent their form and the company must collect it. You use the wrong meaning.

(Secondly) The next stage is/ In the next stage/ In the subsequent stage => This is not the second step, so you should not use this word

either....nor or.... => It is "either...or..." for affirmative sense, when you're presenting possibilities that are both true or valid and "neither....nor..." used in the negative sense, when you're presenting things that aren't true or valid.

The body paragraph is using too much passive voice. Try to convert some stage to active voice. This is also a way of paraphrasing and better than just change the verb and make a sentence.

Good luck on your IELTS
Bear Lac Loi - / 3 2  
Nov 5, 2019   #3
Hello roswita116,

May I suggest you look at the big picture and divide the process into major tasks. From the chart, I can see three major tasks:

1.Preparing the requirements and accepting applications
2.Preliminary selection (first round)
3.Interviewing and selecting the most qualified applicant (second/final round)

You could start with, "The flow chart illustrates a company's recruitment process. The process can be divided into three major tasks, which are preparing the requirements and accepting applications, preliminary selection, and interviewing and selecting the most qualified applicant."

Next, you can expand the sub tasks for each of the three major tasks.

Finally, you can conclude by stating that the company will send the offer letter to the successful candidate.
OP roswita116 10 / 24 10  
Nov 7, 2019   #4
@Bear Lac Loi
Thank you for your suggestion. It is really helpful.😁😁

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - Procedures of Recruitment Flow Chart