Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

The process of producing cement and making concrete which is raw material from cement for building


anabel 3 / 4  
Feb 8, 2017   #1

Cement and Concrete Production

Writing IELTS Task 1

The diagrams show the process of producing cement and making concrete which is raw material from cement for building purpose.

The first step of cement production is passing limestone and clay through a crusher that produces a powder. The powder is moved into the mixer. After mixing process, the product pass into rotating heater which is rotated with heat. The mixture goes out from rotating heater then pass into the grinder. The last process of the mixture, that is called the cement, is packed into bags.

The process of concrete production begins composite from cement (15%), water (10%), sand (25%), and gravel. The gravel is small stones, which is the amount of a half from total materials. The mixture material passes into a concrete mixer, then rotated so that all mixed into one.

As mention above, the process of cement takes longer than concrete. Cement production requires heat in the process. Meanwhile, the production of concrete requires cement and other materials.




DoctorWho [Contributor] - / 40 23  
Feb 8, 2017   #2
Hey Anabel!

The diagram shows the processes and the equipment involved in the manufacture of cement and concrete, which is used for building purposes.

Cement production begins with the crushing of raw materials such as ............ into a powder form and passing it to a mixer. Afterwards, the mixture is passed to a rotating heater which provides a constant supply of heat while continuing the mixing process. The end product is converted into a fine powder form using a grinder and the cement is packed into bags.

The production of concrete involves the use of cement....... ( Write their proportions as well). The components are all added to a concrete mixer which is continuously rotated to form concrete.

Concrete production differs from Cement in that it utilizes water in the manufacture process. Heat is only utilized for cement production. While cement is packed in powder form into bags, concrete is a semi solid mixture which in continuously rotated in the mixer.

Hope I was of help!!
Good Luck :)
Holt - / 7,528 2001  
Feb 9, 2017   #3
Anabel, the first paragraph does not completely give an overview of the cement and concrete making process. The outline is incomplete because the points of comparison, which are required by the prompt, are not clearly represented in the overview. You have to expand the summary information by at least 2 - 4 more sentences.

There is a redundancy or repetition in the second paragraph. When you say " the product passes through the rotating heater", there is no reason to repeat the words "rotated with heat" in the sentence. That is a redundancy or a method by which you say the same thing twice. That will lessen your GA score so avoid doing that.

Finally, since you are discussing a diagram. You can either discuss the diagram as something that is currently happening and use the present tense descriptions. Or, you can pretend it already happened and use the past tense descriptors. You cannot mix the two time lines in the essay. Pick one time line to discuss and use the appropriate presentation for it.
akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Feb 9, 2017   #4
Hi Anabel, I have read this closely. I have found a few things which you correct.
Firstly, I have read your overview. It doesn't matter if you wanna the overview in the last paragraph because there is not a rule about that. However, as we know that the overview is one of crucial points, I suggest you place it in the first paragraph after outcomes of paraphrasing the question/statement. Keep in your mind that you will fight the time if you should play safely. Besides that, your first paragraph has not described the good paragraph. You have to remember that you are supposed to write at least 3 sentences in the paragraph.

cement production is passing limestone and clay through

I suggest you deliver proper word to explain what you mind. I think you should write "limestone and clay are blended in a crusher". If you fail in picking the proper words, you will miss getting the high score in both indicators (lexical resource and coherence and cohesion). Actually, there were a few words which can not illustrate what you mind well. Following this, please you avoid repetition. It can reduce your score as well.

You need making its flow smoother. Harnessing the transition word is the good way to guide readers to understanding your writing. I believe you can master this matter on condition that you wanna need more time for reading examples of writing task 1.

Practice more and more is its key.
GOOD LUCK


Home / Writing Feedback / The process of producing cement and making concrete which is raw material from cement for building