Toefl : professional athletes make too much money?

Help Wanted. Feedback appreciated.
Topic: agree or disagree: professional athletes make too much money.

A huge amount people have animosity towards the fact that professional athletes make so much money annually. On the other hand teachers, soldiers, scientists and many other respected people, who make great contribution to our society, do not get paid much. So many people come to the conclusion that athletes do not deserve what they earn. However, the way I see it, salary does not define the intrinsic value of an occupation. Economically, professional athletes do deserve a fat pay check.

Firstly, professional athletes make huge income to the sports industry and the whole society. The sports industry is very unique because it can generate interest in so many aspects. A stadium can bring billions of dollars interest by selling tickets and endorsed sports gear like a star's jersey and signed sneakers. According to statistics, back in 1990s Michael Jordan alone brought more than 10 billion income to the economy annually. So now the fact that Michael Jordan earned several million a year does not seem absurd at all. Athletes are just like expensive products that make huge interest.

Besides, professional athletes are relatively scarcer compared to teachers, scientists and people in other professions. For example most of the people can make a good teacher when you put your mind into it. But rarely can one make a great athlete that the whole world would like to pay to see his performance. To be a professional athletes not only require hard work but talent and excellent physical conditions as well. Such as a person with average height can seldom become a good basketball play in the NBA. So the few people who make it good players deserve a high salary, say Allen Iverson and Nate Robinson. Thus professional athletes make great amount of money for their scarcity.

Admittedly, the entertainment that professional athletes provide us cannot compare to the scientific discoveries, good education, defense of the country in intrinsic value. Many people think money should be used in serious business for example to put into public health system. However, nowadays professional athletes do more than just play sports. They are respected as well because they donate huge amount money each year and they attend caring programs that help the development of the society. For example in the NBA Cares, players visit other countries like China to bring inspiration and encouragement. And the players also help with much community work. Using their reputation influential professional athletes make big difference to the community. Thus, professional athletes are doing a more valuable job than ever.

In conclusion, professional athletes deserve what they earn because they spur the economy with huge interest; they are scarce and they care about the society as much as others do.

This is too wordy. Do people really feel animosity toward a fact? Or do they feel animosity because athletes are paid so much? Do they really care that it's so much money annually or are they angry simply because it's so much money?


Because you say "compared to," the word you want is "scarce" rather than "scarcer."


This ought to be punctuated differently:

In conclusion, professional athletes deserve what they earn because they spur the economy with huge interest ; they are scarce; and they care about the society as much as others do.

However, your last point makes no sense. I care about society as much as anyone else. Does that mean I should make millions per year? Should every one who cares as much as anyone else make millions?

I know that this is a TOEFL essay, so the quality of the arguments isn't too important, but you might have explored the notion that athletes, like movie stars, make so much money not because they produce anything of great value, but because they produce something of very small value that they sell to millions of people.

As a Toefl writing essay this is enough. But I think you should draw your conclusion better than just they are scarce and they care about the society as much as others do.

Just remember, that once you start writing the TOEFL essay in the actual exam, you will have more than enough time (unless you're a slow writer). So once you get your idea down, go over the paper looking for grammer/spelling mistakes becaues it is just as if not, very important in a TOEFL essay.

I know because I did it last year :)

Thanks for the comment!
I tried to organize my idea more clearly and came up with this version. Is this better?
The reasons I give to this topic sounds a lot better in my head...I have trouble thinking in English. And when I try to translate the Chinese in my head the ideas I try to express are in Chinglish. I then tend to make a lot grammar mistakes. I don't know how to improve this.

A professional athlete can make several million dollars annually. Many people think that they are paid too much in that they create little value in the work. However, salary is not measured by the intrinsic value of a profession. A far as I'm concerned, professional athletes deserve what they earn.

Firstly, professional athletes make huge income to the sports industry and the whole society because they sell things to millions of people. The enormous demand makes the sports industry very unique. Nowadays, professional athletes have become an integral part of the economy. Millions of people want to see exciting sports and buy the memorabilia. A stadium can bring billions of dollars interest by selling tickets and endorsed sports gear like a star's jersey and signed sneakers. According to statistics, back in 1990s Michael Jordan alone brought more than 10 billion income to the economy. And he certainly deserves several millions of the money. So professional athletes do generate much more income in the economy relative to what they make.

Besides, professional athletes are relatively scarce compared to the huge demand. Most of the people can make a good teacher when you put your mind into it. But rarely can one make a great athlete that the whole world would like to pay to see his performance. To be a professional athletes not only require hard work but talent and excellent physical conditions as well. Such as a person with average height can seldom become a good basketball play in the NBA. Thus professional athletes make great amount of money in that millions of people want to pay for their scarcity.

Admittedly, the entertainment that professional athletes provide us cannot compare to the scientific discoveries, good education, defense of the country in intrinsic value. Many people think money should be used in serious business for example to put into public health system. However, the more you earn the more you tend to spend. The money that professional athletes make comes back to the economy in that they spend hundreds of thousands of money on luxuries. They contribute to a major part of the tax revenue. The money they make is indirectly used in many other aspects of our society. Thus professional athletes contribute to the development of the country.

In conclusion, not only do professional athletes provide us with exciting sports game but they spur the economy as well. They deserve what they earn.

hi
litingjiao

don't you think the first part is too long for the reader, i think you should accentuate accurately and quickly!

just in my point of view

litingjiao
You have a clear structure, and your idea is clearly stated. But it might be a little long for a TOEFL writing...because you can hardly write so many words in the test:]

Yeah, I know... I didn't finish this one within 30 minutes... I'm just practicing now and I hope I can get my ideas clear first. However, I'll try to come up with some short essays for the test.