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The proportion of education level among women in 1945 - 1995


Ilmi_03 47 / 69 11  
May 15, 2016   #1
The pie charts compare the proportion of education level completed by women in several regions in 1945 and 1995, a half century period. Overall, while a significant rise saw by women who schooled at the first degree level, those who were not educated and finished until the third grade saw a downward trend.

Initially, the percentage of women schooled at the first degree was fairly low, at only 1%. However, the figure increased dramatically over fifty years to represent the largest proportion at 50%, predominated over the seven groups. The proportion for both the year 12 and postgraduate were the minority in 1945, just under 5% and suddenly increase to a fifth, approximately a 20%-rise in five decades.

There was a significant decrease for either the percentage of women no schooling and the third grade, from 35% then suddenly decreased to represent zero in 1995, dissapear from the whole proportion. The percentage for those completed the year 6 experienced a 15%-decrease. The change was seen constant in the remaining groups, at one in ten throughout the period.




ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
May 15, 2016   #2
Nurul, seems to me that you had many writing projects yesterday. That is okay, as long as you keep giving your contribution by conveying meaningful feedback to others, not just one sentence feedback, this will be considered as meaningless feedback. However, concerning your essay. This essay mostly had the same issue as your previous essays, and therefore I did some corrections and feedback to improve your writing skill. You can check the descriptions below:

- ...regions inbetween 1945 and 1995, a half century period.(shouldn't be placed here)
- Overall, it can be seen that, while a significant rise saw by women who schooled at the first degree level, those who were not educated and finished until the third grade saw a downward trend over a half century period.

- ...the minority in 1945, just under 5%, and suddenly (you can choose, either using comma before 'and' or omit all commas in this selected part)
- ...and suddenly increaseincreased to...
- ...for either the percentage of women no schooling andor the third grade, from 35%... (either...or...)
- dissapear = disappear(spelling error)

As you can see, spelling mistake were persisted, this is dangerous. Even though it didn't reduce communication, I still suggest you to avoid making this kind of mistake. Keep practicing and mind the corrections that I have given to you. Good luck :)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
May 15, 2016   #3
Hi Nurul, here are some additional insights for your analysis.

- aover halfa century period.
- rise sawwas achieved by women
- who schooledstudied at the first degree level,
- finished until the third grade saw a downward trend.

- women schooledwho studied at the
- the year 12 and postgraduate

- women who are non schooling
- dissapeardisappeared ( be careful with your spelling, turn on your spell checker at all times )
- the year 6 year experienced a 15%-decrease.
- The change was seen constantly in the remaining groups,

There you have it Nurul, I hope the remarks above helped in the revision of your analysis.
This is a fairly written essay, you just have to focus on the word forms that you incorporate in your essay.


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