The proportion of online sales in four types of products and services in Canada

online shopping sales (retail sectors)

The two pie chart illustrate the proportion of online sales in four types of products and services in Canada during the 5-year period.
Overall, is it clear that Electronics and appliance was the largest segment in 2005, but the first rank was replaced by Food and Beverage in the year 2010. The online earning from Food and beverage and video games increased, while that of electronics and appliances and home furnishings declined over the period shown.

In 2005, 35% of the total selling was Electronic and Appliances, followed by Home furnishings sector, at a quarter. Both retailers witnessed a moderate fall by 5% and 10% in Electronic and appliances and Home furnishings respectively at the end of the period.

On the other hand, Food and beverage sectors accounted for 22% in2005, and there was a dramatic rise to 32% in 2010. A similar pattern was seen in video games, with the figure increasing by 5% in 2010.

This is task 1 of Ielts writing done by me. Please help me correct mistakes if I am wrong somewhere. I am happy to listen from you. Thank you very much!

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Actually, these are comparative sales based on half a decade sales presentations. Mention the comparison years early in the summary. Do not mention just one of the years since you indicated 2 images , both off which are given titles to help recognize, acknowledge, and differentiate the information presented. This presentation shows that you need to work on your analytical discussion presentation based on word usage.

For data clarity purposes , you should use the 2 paragraphs to present the information by year. That is because the way you have theinformation presented at the moment feels more like an extended trending statement than a data report. since you chosetodothe comparisontrending presentation in the summary, the writing tone and slant should changein the next 2 paragraphs based on the provided discussion analysis or representation. You may wish to extend each paragraph to 3-5 sentences so that the presentation tone can be better altered to represent another aspect of data analysis or comparison. The information ' does not follow a true complex sentence structure. Rather, the combined sentence ideas lack image data to help with clarity and lends itself moreto run-on sentence formatting.