IELTS Writing Task 1 - Proposed changes of existing floor

Hello, here is my first writing in this forum
Please give me some advice to fix it
Thanks for your help

existing floor plan and proposed changes

The map presents the proposed changes for the existing floor, and the centre of the room will be totally reconstructed.

Overall, some alterations are planned in the centre of the existing floor, showing a significant transformation. The changes will consist of internal features, storage, and furniture.

The development of the internal door will be established in the north area of the room, sealing two doors to become a permanent wall, while the hall in the centre of the second floor will be extended by demolishing the wall in the east side of the stairs as well as the storage under the stairs will be knocked down. The renovation will continue to the south area of the room, where the internal doors will be built in the left side of the entrance door to connect the living room and the kitchen. There will be a dramatic change in the west area of the kitchen, showing a sophisticated kitchen set rounding the room from the north-west to the south-west area.

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  MapFloorPlan.jpg
  

The discussion is not really rushed, nor analyzed. This is a 3 paragraph discussion that should have the following format:
- Summary overview + trending statement
- Original floor plan notes
- Changes in the new design

The main problem with your presentation is the format of the presentation. You did well in describing the changes, but you need to work on proper formatting presentations. Always start with a description of the original in a paragraph, then the changes applied in another. When you follow that format, you should score better.Do not try to summarize everything. You need to show a detailed analysis of both images.

You have to make sure that you describe the original room completely before you describe the changes. When you jump directly into the new format without properly describing the previous format, the reader, whom you have to assume cannot see the images, will not be able to create a mental picture of your description. Additionally, these are not maps but rather outlines of changes to a room. Be careful with your descriptions. Know the different types of images used and how to describe these alternately from the original presentation.