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Writing task 2 - Essay about public healthy and the growing presence of sports facilities

loanphanbich 1 / -  
Aug 6, 2022   #1
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In some current years, human has more negative healthy issues and it is argued that increasing the number of sport centres is the most effective mehthod for improving public healthy. In my opinion, however, I totally disagree with this statement.

On the one hand, there are some reasons makes people believe that taking part in sports clubs is the best way to enhance their health. It is clear that exercise is a measure which positive impact on human's body. Therefore, increasing the popularity of sports aminities gives people have more chances to improve their health. For example, yoga is more popular physical activity for young people and middle-aged women to stay healthy and keep fit.

On the other hand, I would argue that there are many necessary elements to improve public health without sports aminities. It can be seen that, dominant people who paid for annual gym membership falied finishing whole coures. I think it is most cruital that people need to enhance their awareness about potential health problem. Therefore healthy campaigns are particulary essential because it is easiest method to spread knowledge to human. Futhermore, food products which people eat on daily basis aslo unless important. To have good heath, people need to eat foodsuff which supplies their body sufficient nutrients and vitamin.

In conclusion, the growing prevalence of sports facilities has brought a wide range of health benefits for people; yet, I personally believe that raising public awareness through health campaigns would have a more positive impact on improving people's health.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,033 4249  
Aug 7, 2022   #2
The main reason that this essay will receive an overall failing score has to do with the lack of proper sentence structuring and word usage in the paragraphs. The writer seemingly writes in broken English, a method that is used by English as a second language learners who are at the beginner level of English learning. It must be said that the writer has the right understanding of the the discussion requirement but his lack of proper English thought process proved to be the problem with his presentation. The grammar is not very good because it is hindered by misspelled words, incorrect word usage, and incoherent sentences.

Unless these problems are addressed in the next essay, the writer will not be able to improve his score beyond a failing score. My advice to the student is to focus on his grammar improvement overall before proceeding to write more task 1 or task 1 essays. Practice sentence formation using simple English words for now. If possible, use fill in the blank word choice exercises for sentence completion to help address this weakness in the writer's sentence formation ability. Once these sections improve, the other problems in relation to essay discussion presentations may be addressed. Focus on the basic grammar issues for now. Those are the severe problems at this time.

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